An Unhealthy Hubby

A FUTURE FORMER FAT GIRL WRITES: I desperately would like to lose my extra weight, but my "better half" is quite a picky (and unhealthy) eater. He will not eat vegetables other than potatoes and corn, and he loves the unhealthy stuff, like fried foods and lots of starches. What can I do to get us both eating healthier - without force-feeding him foods he can't stand?

DEAR FUTURE FFG: Hey, I can relate. My husband is more adventurous than yours, it seems, but he still likes his southern cooking. There's a couple of strategies I use to keep the harmony in our household. For one thing, I encourage him to go get his fried chicken and mashed potatoes at lunchtime, when I'm at work. If he's had a big lunch, he's much more willing to eat lighter at dinner. And that allows me to have a healthy lunch and breakfast (we typically make our own breakfasts--that's another strategy). Then, there's dinner. I am determined to serve a healthy dinner ... aka food that's not all brown or white! ... so I always have a green salad or green veggie. Sometimes the salad is slaw with vinaigrette dressing (maybe your hubby would go for that?). And I buy lean meats (chicken breasts without the skin, lean beef, etc) and low-fat cheeses and such. I make turkey meatballs (a tip: use the 93% fat ground turkey--the 99% is too lean and will make your meatballs the consistency of a rock!). I also try to sneak in whole grain pasta ... but sometimes I'm not too successful at that.

All that aside, though: The real issue is that YOU have to take charge of your own process. My attitude is, if you're the cook and you're doing the shopping, you should prepare things that you can eat. That's pretty much what I do. Your husband (and mine too) doesn't have to have the salad or the broccoli or whatever (but eventually, if it's on the table, maybe he will!). I'm not suggesting that you fill his plate with tofu or stir-frys. But there are ways to compromise. And sometimes that means making two meals, in my house, anyway. I'm not a red meat-eater, so when we grill out, Rick has a steak, I have salmon, and our son has a little of both. Two meals aren't ideal, but, as I've said before, you gotta do what you gotta do. Stand firm--and good luck!

Lisa D

When the Scale's Not Budging

A FUTURE FORMER FAT GIRL WRITES: I decided about a month ago to start exercising so I can lose some weight. This has been my third week. I've been eating healthier than ever and even though I feel better I haven't lost any weight at all! I'm getting really frustrated because I have been working out hard and I feel all my efforts are not paying off. Any ideas why? I don't want to quit but I'm very unmotivated now.

DEAR FUTURE FFG: I know. It makes no sense! Why WOULDN'T you see results? Well, here are a couple of reasons: First, how quickly you see results somewhat depends on how much you need to lose. If you've got 70 pounds to lose (like I did!), you're going to lose faster at the beginning than someone who has only 10 pounds to lose. So there's that. Then there are things like hormones--simply being at a certain part of your cycle where you're retaining water could stall the scale. And then there are all the more complicated reasons for your body to hold on to weight--thyroid issues, certain medications (birth control pills, for instance), some chronic medical conditions.

But since you're only three weeks into it, I wouldn't go down the "see your doctor" route. Here's the thing. One of the tricks to becoming a Former Fat Girl for life is to readjust your goals and measures of success. You CAN'T control what's happening on the scale--and trying to is only going to be an exercise in frustration (unfortunately, not a good calorie-burning activity!). But what you CAN control are all the behaviors that WILL, in the end, lead to weight loss--and make you a lot healthier, besides. So your goal becomes to exercise 3 days a week, or whatever, and THAT'S what you start thinking of as success. Or, you decide to only eat dessert on Fridays and Saturdays. You make it through a week like that, and you give yourself a big gold star. This may not be the answer you want, but the thing is, you are trying to create healthy habits for life. If you're only looking at the scale, it's too easy to either a) give it up altogether when you don't see the needle budging; or b) give it up altogether when you get to that magic number you've always dreamed of. If your goal is a NUMBER, it's too easy to think you can go back to your old ways when you reach it, that it's somehow OVER. And being a Former Fat Girl means integrating these healthy habits into your life so that they become part of who you are.

When you're just three weeks into your journey, that might not sound like much fun--or like it's even possible. But it becomes easier, it becomes NATURAL, it becomes fun in its own way. You're opening the door on a new way of living. And it's a PROCESS, unfortunately, for all of us who want everything instantly, just-this-minute. So ... celebrate the success you're experiencing now, every time you finish a workout, every time you resist going back for seconds. Be gentle with yourself--try to allow this whole thing to unfold. And know there are others out here, like me, like the other women posting on the site, who have made it happen. In fact, if any of you other FFGs have advice or words of encouragement for this Former Fat Girl-In-the-Making ... please post!

Lisa D