Of Forgiveness and Fresh Starts
A FUTURE FORMER FAT GIRL WRITES: Here's a question for you...I know that the road to permanent weight loss is filled with hurdles. Well, I totally fell flat on my face last night. I have a difficult time forgiving myself and I know that the guilt just contributes to the weight gain cycle. So, can you give me any advice about how to let go and move on?
DEAR FUTURE FFG: Ah, forgiveness. A tough subject, maybe the toughest. I came to believe, through my journey, that it's the whole expectation of perfection that makes it hard for us to let even the smallest slip-up go. The same expectation of perfection that keeps us focused on all the "flaws" in our body, the same expectation of perfection that drives us to do EVERYTHING … to be the "team mom," the "go-to" employee, the committee chair who's always there to take up the slack when the "perfect plan" threatens to fall apart. I say "expectation" of perfection because it's not that we're SEARCHING for perfection, we EXPECT ourselves to be perfect, to perform perfectly, to behave perfectly. That was a hard realization for me, being the good Catholic girl that I am. I'm supposed to be full of humility, aren't I? And yet, it makes SO much sense. We forgive others so much more easily than ourselves. Why is it OK for them to fall … and not us? We would never berate a friend, or even a STRANGER, for backsliding on a diet, missing a workout, saying the wrong thing in conversation, would we? Now, I don't know you personally, but I would bet you would be the FIRST to say "It's OK"--and MEAN IT--to a friend. I was. When I started thinking about it that way--started thinking about how RIDICULOUS it was to expect myself to be perfect, how LUDICROUS it was that I could be more kind, gentle, and forgiving to a complete stranger than to myself, that really made the difference.
So … a very intellectual, abstract answer to your question. But that's what I try to keep top-of-mind: TREAT MYSELF AS I WELL AS I TREAT OTHERS. The other thing I do is repeat a little mantra (if you've read the book, you know I'm a big fan of mantras). TOMORROW IS ANOTHER DAY. Not completely profound, I know, and a bit derivative of a certain Broadway classic. But it helps me remember that I've got another chance to start over tomorrow. To do better tomorrow. Thank God for tomorrow.
In good health--
Lisa D
DEAR FUTURE FFG: Ah, forgiveness. A tough subject, maybe the toughest. I came to believe, through my journey, that it's the whole expectation of perfection that makes it hard for us to let even the smallest slip-up go. The same expectation of perfection that keeps us focused on all the "flaws" in our body, the same expectation of perfection that drives us to do EVERYTHING … to be the "team mom," the "go-to" employee, the committee chair who's always there to take up the slack when the "perfect plan" threatens to fall apart. I say "expectation" of perfection because it's not that we're SEARCHING for perfection, we EXPECT ourselves to be perfect, to perform perfectly, to behave perfectly. That was a hard realization for me, being the good Catholic girl that I am. I'm supposed to be full of humility, aren't I? And yet, it makes SO much sense. We forgive others so much more easily than ourselves. Why is it OK for them to fall … and not us? We would never berate a friend, or even a STRANGER, for backsliding on a diet, missing a workout, saying the wrong thing in conversation, would we? Now, I don't know you personally, but I would bet you would be the FIRST to say "It's OK"--and MEAN IT--to a friend. I was. When I started thinking about it that way--started thinking about how RIDICULOUS it was to expect myself to be perfect, how LUDICROUS it was that I could be more kind, gentle, and forgiving to a complete stranger than to myself, that really made the difference.
So … a very intellectual, abstract answer to your question. But that's what I try to keep top-of-mind: TREAT MYSELF AS I WELL AS I TREAT OTHERS. The other thing I do is repeat a little mantra (if you've read the book, you know I'm a big fan of mantras). TOMORROW IS ANOTHER DAY. Not completely profound, I know, and a bit derivative of a certain Broadway classic. But it helps me remember that I've got another chance to start over tomorrow. To do better tomorrow. Thank God for tomorrow.
In good health--
Lisa D
posted by Lisa Delaney at
8:43 AM
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