Conquering Skinnyphobia
A FUTURE FORMER FAT GIRL WRITES: Dear Lisa - could you help me with this fear? I have been overweight my whole life (30 yrs) and I am "used" to it. I don't know what it is like to be "skinny" and frankly being skinny scares me. I know what it's like to be fat so I guess I stay fat because it is my comfort zone. Why am I afraid to be skinny and how can I be motivated to be skinny if I'm scared of it? - another Lisa
HI, ANOTHER LISA! You know, I was completely afraid to lose the weight too. For me, it was an excuse to stay in the background and to not take risks, to protect myself from pain and failure. And that was in everything in life--with guys, with my job, with my friends, with everything. It was like I was walking around in a bubble-wrap suit, never expecting much of myself, never expecting anyone else to really listen or value what I had to say. And all the while I knew I could be more ... I WANTED more out of life and out of myself. But that fear of the unknown--exactly what you're saying--kept me in that comfort zone, even though I wasn't all that thrilled about being there. So that's a long-winded way of saying that I get it. As far as coping with that fear and breaking through it ... I would say what I said to the woman who wanted to know where to start: Don't look too far ahead. When you're just starting out, envisioning the finish line isn't all that helpful, because you've got a long way to go to get there. Focus instead on taking those little steps that will move you along, slowly and comfortably, to your goal. The very thing that gets most people down about dieting--not seeing results fast enough--is actually working in your favor here. Because when you take small steps and focus on the healthy behaviors that lead to weight loss, it takes time--and that time, for those of us who are afraid of change, is a gift. It gives you a chance to get used to that new you, to your new life, to the attention you might attract from others, to the new way they treat you. It will all happen gradually, so it will be less traumatic. The other thing is, I found out that this whole journey was less about being skinny (although others don't seem to get that) and more about conquering the FEAR that not only kept me from losing weight, but held me back in all sorts of ways. I really define a Former Fat Girl as someone who is actively engaged in battling that fear and, on most days, winning. It's not really about how much weight you lose or whether you ever get to "skinny." It's about getting to HEALTHY in body and mind--about living life on your own terms, not in reaction or response to others. Anyway ... I hope this helps. Thanks for writing in ...
Lisa D
HI, ANOTHER LISA! You know, I was completely afraid to lose the weight too. For me, it was an excuse to stay in the background and to not take risks, to protect myself from pain and failure. And that was in everything in life--with guys, with my job, with my friends, with everything. It was like I was walking around in a bubble-wrap suit, never expecting much of myself, never expecting anyone else to really listen or value what I had to say. And all the while I knew I could be more ... I WANTED more out of life and out of myself. But that fear of the unknown--exactly what you're saying--kept me in that comfort zone, even though I wasn't all that thrilled about being there. So that's a long-winded way of saying that I get it. As far as coping with that fear and breaking through it ... I would say what I said to the woman who wanted to know where to start: Don't look too far ahead. When you're just starting out, envisioning the finish line isn't all that helpful, because you've got a long way to go to get there. Focus instead on taking those little steps that will move you along, slowly and comfortably, to your goal. The very thing that gets most people down about dieting--not seeing results fast enough--is actually working in your favor here. Because when you take small steps and focus on the healthy behaviors that lead to weight loss, it takes time--and that time, for those of us who are afraid of change, is a gift. It gives you a chance to get used to that new you, to your new life, to the attention you might attract from others, to the new way they treat you. It will all happen gradually, so it will be less traumatic. The other thing is, I found out that this whole journey was less about being skinny (although others don't seem to get that) and more about conquering the FEAR that not only kept me from losing weight, but held me back in all sorts of ways. I really define a Former Fat Girl as someone who is actively engaged in battling that fear and, on most days, winning. It's not really about how much weight you lose or whether you ever get to "skinny." It's about getting to HEALTHY in body and mind--about living life on your own terms, not in reaction or response to others. Anyway ... I hope this helps. Thanks for writing in ...
Lisa D
posted by Lisa Delaney at
5:58 PM
2 Comments:
My sister Lani was always the skinny one in the family. She's five years older than me and I had the pleasure of watching her struggle with men and popularity in her teens. I had always been chunky and I used her struggles as an excuse to continue to gain weight. I'm now 40 years old and in January of 2006 (I was 39) I realized I better lose the weight now or each day was going to get harder. 16 months later I've lost 91 pounds - I still see myself @ 240 pounds not the 149 I see on the scale. I now (for the first time in my life) weigh less than both of my sisters and my mom. Instead of concentrating on being skinny I concentrated on a happier & healthier life.
well i don't really know what being skinny is i have been over weight most of my life & i relly don't have a comment because am struggling my self can you help me to get over the hill
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