Friends, Not Food!

A FORMER FAT GIRL WRITES: I am a working mom in a community of stay-at-home moms. I work a lot and have crazy schedule, so it's not always easy to meet or maintain good friendships. How do I combat the loneliness--other than by eating it away?

Dear FFG: Ah. The story of my life! I have to admit--I have felt that way too. Right now in particular, I am pretty much starving for my old running group in Birmingham. Did you notice I used the word "starving"? I really think that many of us hunger for other things and food is the handiest way to fill up ...

So--a few ideas. First--don't completely count out the stay-at-home moms. I mean, many of the ones I know have even crazier schedules. One of my running group got up to run with us at 5 even after both her kids were way into elementary and high school.

Which brings me to ... I have always found exercise to be a great way to meet people, maybe even the best way as you're more likely to connect with soon-to-be FFGs and FFGs themselves who can support your efforts. Even if you're not into group exercise (or Group X, as the fitness lingo goes), why don't you give it a try? Early morning classes or gym-visits in particular will probably help you find other women in your same situation ... either too busy to do exercise at more acceptable hours or insomniacs.

That is the way I have met some of my very best friends in my post-college days ... especially once I became an FFG and realized the importance of having healthy people around me as much as possible. I am actually dealing with this right now as I need to recreate my life in Nashville ... putting feelers out to find fitness companions, dusting off my "it's an adventure" attitude and being willing to invite relative strangers to go running or riding or walking with me (or horn in on their group). It is not easy, but it's doable. I can tell you all the other things you probably already know--join clubs, go to PTA meetings, ask people to go to coffee after, etc. But maybe the most important thing I can say is ... use INO to give you the kick in the pants you need to get out there and initiate some activities with new people. Use INO to help you trim your schedule and put yourself and your need for new friends first. Friends are not luxuries in life--they are necessities. Once we remind ourselves of that and put making and fostering friendships in the right priority in our lives, we might be surprised to "find" some extra time in those crazy schedules.

I hope that helps.
Lisa D

Wanted: Results--Now!

A FUTURE FORMER FAT GIRL WRITES: I have been working out almost every day for 2 months and NOTHING!I am frustrated. I want to start Michael Thurmond's 6-week body makeover. Have you ever heard of it? He used to be with the Biggest Loser. Basically, he says that certain foods will step up your metabolism, and with exercise you can lose weight effectively and keep it off. Its not that expensive and I feel I need to do something, anything! Please tell me what you think.

DEAR FUTURE FFG: I certainly understand your frustration at not seeing results after working out for two months. But ... are you sure nothing has changed? I guess I'm wondering how you are measuring results. How much weight do you have to lose? You may be replacing fat with muscle and therefore not seeing much of a bump on the scale, particularly if you are only 20-30 pounds overweight.

Are your clothes fitting differently? Do you see more definition? Do you feel better about yourself? The danger in measuring progress only by looking at the scale is that the scale can't really detect everything that's going on inside your body ... or your head ... which is where a big part of the transformation needs to happen if you are to become a Former Fat Girl.

Anyway ... I am not familiar with the program you mention. And, frankly, there are few (legal) quick ways to boost your metabolism. But your body may need something of a jolt. I do know that the Biggest Loser trainers tend to be sort of extreme, but also pretty knowledgeable, and I think the programs they put in their books are fairly safe (they typically adapt the ones on the show so they can be done by people who don't have personal trainers).

So, I would say give it a try. But please be patient with yourself and your body. We don't become Fat Girls in body or mind overnight ... and so we can't expect to become Formers instantly, either. Part of the thing that makes it difficult for us to lose weight is our inability to forgive ourselves for messing up, our need for quick results. Real change (which is, I think, what you want) takes time. You might not want to hear this ... but it's true. I truly believe that you can do it if you are patient, if you give yourself credit for trying, and if you focus on the inner transformation as well as the outer.

Best of luck to you on your journey.
Lisa D

Boost that Metabolism!

A FUTURE FFG WRITES: I had my son two years ago and he'll be 3 this October 6th. I went to the doctor and asked them what I could do to help myself get rid of this weight. I am 5'7" and as of my visit yesterday weigh 254lbs. The most I have ever weighed was 270lbs. I had blood work done and found that I have a borderline over active thyroid however my metabolism is so slow that I practically don't have one at all so everything I eat sticks. However is there anything I can do to kickstart my metabolism without having to take medication? I am walking now to get into shape. I want to be able to run after my son and play with him with no problem. Do you have any advice for me on how to get my metabolism boosted?


DEAR FUTURE FFG:Thank you so much for writing. I can completely understand where you are ... wanting so much to be healthy for your son. To me, the fact that he is your motivation may just make the difference for you--that it's more about being active enough to have fun with him than about getting down to a certain size. The fact is that we don't have to be super-skinny to enjoy life ... we just have to be strong enough to carry ourselves through life comfortably, to run and play and pick him up and hold him as long as we can (mine is six, and he's getting REALLY heavy ... so I am in the gym lifting weights so I can still lift him up! I don't want to let go of that ...!).

It is great that you are under a doctor's care for your thyroid/metabolism. But as far as boosting your metabolism--I would just focus on building up your endurance and strength through walking. You didn't mention what your walking routine is, but usually the best tactic is to build up a good base ... start with 20-30 minutes 3-5 times a week ... and do that for at least six weeks. At that point, check in with yourself: Has the walking gotten easier? Do you know you can handle the 30 minutes without a problem? If not, keep up your base routine ... until you do feel like you can handle the effort. You need that foundation to build on.

Once you have that, you can try a couple of things to build your metabolism:
--strength training: a good weight lifting routine can help you increase your lean muscle mass and boost metabolism. You could actually start this now if you want ... I would recommend a place like Curves or a beginner circuit class at the Y. Or, get a one-time session with a trainer to learn a good routine tailored to your needs (and if you have the $$$, by all means sign on for more!). The thing about strength training is that it gets your core muscles in shape so you feel more powerful while walking ... and stronger leg and core muscles in particular can keep you from having achy knees and back pain. Try to train a minimum of twice a week ... maybe after a shorter walk if you can.
--walking intervals: alternating short bursts of maybe 2-3 minutes at a faster pace, with an equal amount of time at your normal pace to recover--do this for your 30 minute workout once or twice a week
--walk/run intervals: simply run instead of walk during the faster portions of your interval workout
--hill repeats: find a hill in your neighborhood and power walk up it 3-5 times during your walk ... you can do this a couple of times a week
--cross training: Spinning is a great thing to work into your routine ... it's a hard, sweaty workout that gets you off your feet and burns a ton of calories, but since you are in charge of setting your bike's resistance, it's really tailored to your fitness level.

Once you have a good base for walking, it's a great idea to keep switching it up a bit to keep your metabolism on its toes. Think of these options as sort of a cafeteria line--each week you can pick and choose from them.

I know this sounds like it will take a ton of time ... but it will be worth the investment. A basic strength routine should only take about 20 minutes ... I admit, I have trouble finding the time to do that and cardio, but when I do it, I am so much happier because my back doesn't hurt after I run!

I hope this helps. You are completely on the right track with walking and seeking your doctors' help. Keep looking ahead at your goal ... to be a healthy mom for your son. You can do it ... I know you can.

Lisa D

FFGs Do Disney!

A FUTURE FORMER FAT GIRL WRITES: Dear Lisa,
Are there any pointers you can give about how we soon-to-be-Former-Fat-Girls can eat responsibly, choose wisely and avoid temptation at major theme park restaurants?

DEAR FUTURE FFG: A tough one! Believe me, I have done Disney, and was appalled at the lack of healthy choices. Then again, this was about 3 years ago, and things may have gotten better since. But here's the thing: The challenges at theme parks aren't all that different from the challenges you face any time you are traveling or otherwise spending an extended period of the day away from home. You are out of your routine. You are away from your own kitchen. You are not in control of the menu. So ... how do you have fun without blowing it? Here's my take:

--Know what you're getting into. Prepare your head for the environment you'll be facing ... and do a bit of research (don't go crazy, now), just to see what kind of healthy choices are available. Lots of unexpected places post menus on the Internet ... and while I can't attest to their accuracy, it isn't a bad idea to just see what you can find. For instance, check out this unofficial site on Disney. All you Disney experts out there--let us know if these menus are the real thing!

--Eat a healthy breakfast. I know, BORING! But the point is ... you know you're going to face all kind of gastronomic challenges during the day. So eat super-healthy at breakfast. Think whole grains, lean protein, lowfat dairy, and fruit (as in my favorite combination of Cheerios and Kashi Go Lean Crunch! cereal with skim milk and a side of sliced strawberries ... or a scrambled egg and whole wheat toast with strawberries ...). Whatever you do, DON'T SKIP breakfast thinking that you'll "bank" the calories for later. You will run out of steam quick and be making a beeline for the nearest funnel cake stand! (I speak from experience.)

--Make an indulgent decision. OK, so you KNOW you are entering the Magic Kingdom of Calorically Extravagant Cuisine. And hey--this is vacation, so you deserve to let loose a little. The key is, "a little." Tell yourself you can have ONE splurge (INO to have more!) and then decide how you are going to "spend" it. Is it the burger and fries at lunch, or a Ben & Jerry's for dessert? Or a double-fudge brownie from the Main Street Bake Shoppe? I know that I'm the type who wants something sweet--I can handle a grilled chicken sandwich (no mayo, half the bun) at lunch if I know I get to have a sugar cone later.

--Eat light otherwise. Most of these places have grilled chix, entree salads, etc on the menu. They may be outrageously priced, but what isn't?

--BYOSnacks. I believe in dining defensively. So I always carry a healthy food stash with me to help when my blood sugar bottoms out and the only thing in reach is a corn-dog kiosk (DANGER!). For instant energy, I love those mini boxes of raisins and airplane bags of peanuts (I always ask for two and keep one in my purse)--each is just a mouthful, enough to tide me over till I find some real food. 100 calorie packs are great, but make sure you choose ones with fiber in them (Wheat Thins, South Beach Wheat Crackers) to help keep you full. I also love these crunchy little All-Bran Snack Bites... they're cinnamony and good. I think a bag is 160 calories ... so it's a bit more substantial but full of fiber so you will stay full longer.

--Wear good walking shoes ... and use them. The thing about theme parks: There's a lot of walking, a lot of standing, a lot of screaming and laughing (which burns more calories than, say, meditating). So navigating the place is a workout in itself. Make sure you take any and all opportunity to be active during the day, and wear good shoes so your aching feet don't sabotage you. The fact is, you are probably going to be more active in a day at Disney than on a normal day at home (including your workout time). You may want to wear a pedometer to see how much ground you cover ... that might ease your mind if you start feeling guilty about that piece of fudge from Ye Ole Candy Shoppe on Main Street, USA.

--Forgive yourself. It's one day. Or three days ... in a whole lifetime. Know that you will be out of your element for the run of your time at the park, and that once it is over, you can go back to your FFG plan full-force. Remember, becoming an FFG is a JOURNEY. Disney, or Sea World, or Knotts Berry Farm, or Dollywood ... that's only a diversion, a pit-stop on the road to where you want to be. Don't let it take you off track permanently. YOU are the driver. YOU CAN get back into the race--and still win. (Where did these NASCAR allusions come from?)

I hope this helps! Go on the scariest rollercoaster for me!

Lisa D

Woman on the Run

FROM ALLI: First of all, I wanted to tell you how much I love your book. Your advice is great and delivered in such a charming and straight-forward way! I'm convinced that this time will be different for me. I'm taking it slow, not trying to do everything at once. I started running like you did. So far, I've been doing 1 mile, 3 times a week. I was wondering what your running schedule was when you started, or what you would recommend. How long did you run 1 mile, and when do you think I should add more? I don't want to do too much too soon, only to give up in a few weeks, but I want to continue challenging myself. Thank you for all your help!
DEAR ALLI: Thanks so much for your kind words ... "charming" is not a word I have often used to describe myself! (But you know how hard us FFGs are on ourselves!) And I'm so excited that I may have, in some way, brought another runner into the ranks. And you are so right to start slowly. The rule of thumb in exercise is to increase your effort no more than 10% each week. Now, I am horrible at math. But that is something like a half a lap on a quarter-mile track, or .13 (rounded up) of a mile if you're on a treadmill. But to make it easier, I might try bumping up your distance every two weeks by about a quarter mile. You also might want to consider running for time rather than distance. Now, that's not what I did ... but I was making it up as I went along. There are some great running coaches who advocate taking a 20-minute chunk of time, say, to start, and then doing a walk-run thing to cover the distance (run for 2 minutes, walk for 1 minute, etc). Then, your goal is to get to the point where you can run the entire 20 minutes. Here's a 5K training program that explains it much better than me!


Whichever way you go, the caveat is ... be VERY careful to listen to your body as you're challenging yourself. Make sure you have good, quality shoes that are well cushioned, and if you start having trouble, stick at your current mileage (or go back to the walk/run thing) until you feel more comfortable. You GO girl! Please let me know how you are doing!

Lisa D

Getting Your Fill

FROM JEN: I have been reading your book and saw that you started exercise before changing your eating habits. How long do you recommend just exercising before adding in the nutrition? I have started walking outside every night for an hour and mall-walking during the day three times a week for a half hour. I try to make sensible choices, but I have a large appetite and eat in large quantities. In fact, that has been what has sparked the need for a change. I've noticed that no matter what I eat, I don't feel satisfied. I don't mean that I'm hungry, it's like the food didn't fill up whatever I am trying to fill. I realize this is an emotional issue and I need to look at what is missing. But, I know that if I try to change too much in the beginning, adding in a strict low-calorie diet to the new routine of exercising, I will fall off the wagon. Any advice would be appreciated.

DEAR JEN: Thanks for writing. It sounds to me like you are doing exactly what you need to do ... focusing on committing to exercise as a start. I really waited about a year before getting serious about my diet, which is when I went on Weight Watchers. I think everyone is different, though. To me, the important thing is for you to start FEELING a change inside before you begin to make too many dietary changes. I had really started to feel powerful, less like a victim of my appetite (and I can totally relate to the need to eat big portions!) before I did Weight Watchers. By the time I did WW, I had started running, and really challenging myself, working towards goals and seeing myself as being successful. I'm thinking that you might benefit from finding a plan that gives some structure to your exercise program--that gives you goals to work toward. Seeing yourself reaching those goals might help you "fill" what's missing inside ... or at least get you closer to identifying what it is that you really need.

I think that those of us who overeat often have needs and feelings we can't really identify. I remember a therapist once asking me how I felt about a huge issue in my life ... and I couldn't even answer her. I was so focused on figuring out how other people around me were feeling that I had no clue how I felt, what I needed, what I wanted. I didn't go to therapy when I was in my intensive weight-loss mode, but AFTER I lost ... and I still had this issue. So it is extremely common, I think.

So, my advice is two-fold: First: Stick with your exercise plan, but look for a goal to work toward. Here are a couple of suggestions:
--Sign up for a 5k walk and train for it. Lots of great walks are coming up, especially in May ... here is a training program by a guy named Hal Higdon, a great running/walking coach.
--Schedule a walking vacation. When you're making your summer vacation plans, focus on "walkable" cities and use the 5k training plan above to "train" to be a tourist.
--Walk with other moms. "Strollercize" fitness classes are all the rage. Check out this article in Health magazine about the trend, and see if there's a group in your area.
--Walk a marathon. Now, this might sound crazy--and I know you have a baby, so it will be tough to carve out the time. But I want to plant this seed. Women all over the world are walking marathons, many through Team in Training, a group that raises money for the Leukemia Society. Here is a link for them. Also, here is a link to a training program from Mark Fenton, a friend of mine and expert walking coach.

Second ... to address the emotional side ... you might want to consider therapy or a support group like Overeaters Anonymous. I hope this doesn't offend you ... I know some people don't like to think that they need this kind of help. As I said, I didn't really seek help until after I lost the weight, and I have seen therapists off and on now for about 18 years, mostly to help me through rough spots in my life. I have always felt like therapy is an extra infusion of strength--it helps shore me up when I doubt myself, and affirms what I already know about myself but may just be too afraid to admit it to anyone else.

Thanks again for writing and be strong ... you are moving in the right direction. Keep believing in yourself!

Lisa D

Considering the Couch

FROM ASHLEY, OF BONNIE SCOTLAND (WRITING IN THE GUESTBOOK): I am about to embark on losing 100 lbs. How easy will it be for me to pinpoint why I eat? Can I overcome this without going to see a therapist, for example? My doctor today laughed me out of the surgery. When I said I need help, his retort was "use small plates." Is it that simple? Please - some advice!

DEAR ASHLEY: First, if I ever make it across the pond again, can you put me up? I have never been to Scotland! And while I'm there, I would love to visit your doc and give him a good kick in the ... shins. He is probably a very good doctor in many ways, but he obviously doesn't understand the emotional issues that drive good girls like you and me to overeat. (I am, of course, kidding about the kick ... I rarely resort to physical violence.)

To be fair, I used (still do) small plates. I exercise all varieties of portion control. But all of those typical dieting techniques are just Band-Aids if you don't try to work through what's going on in your head.

I did much of that work on my own. One of the keys for me was starting with exercise--not because it burns calories, but because it started me down the path of believing in myself. I started feeling like ... hey, if I can do this Jazzercise thing (and they do have it in Scotland ... I googled), maybe I can get unstuck in other areas of my life. I started believing that I CAN ... because I saw myself doing something I had never really done before. I really feel like I built a positive foundation, a sturdy platform of self-esteem that allowed me to, a year and a half or so later, tackle the diet part of the issue.

Many times before, I'd focused JUST on what I was eating, or tried to do both at the same time. And that never worked. It was too hard--and completely negative. All I was doing was saying NO, I CAN'T to all of those fabulous foods that had kept me such good company for so long.

So exercise gave me that mental push ... it was therapy in motion for me. But I have to say that had I been able to afford a therapist at that time in my life, it would have been helpful. I did go to therapy after I had lost most of my weight, and then off and on for years, up until recently. Mostly what therapy does for me is to affirm my instincts, to tell me it's OK to put myself first, to show me where I am losing my boundaries and need to stand my ground--whether with food or people or work or whatever. The therapists I have stuck with longest both have experience treating compulsive overeaters, and both are women who understand how hard it is for women to say no, to put their health and wellbeing at the top of their to-do list. Just having their affirmation was worth the $80/hour fee.

You, Ashley, have a road ahead of you. I am here for you; the community of Former Fat Girls and Future Former Fat Girls is here for you. I do believe it's possible to overcome overeating over time (hey, that's "over" overkill). But the right kind of support at the right time is, as they say in the Mastercard commercials, priceless. If therapy is an option (ie, if you have the $$s), I would keep it in your back pocket to pull out if/when you need it. Stay in touch with how you're feeling, whether you're making progress (not just on the scale--in your behaviors and motivation), and if you start having trouble, consider the couch. Er, the therapist's couch--not the one in front of the TV.

Bon voyage ... stay strong on your journey--

Lisa D