Secrets of a Former Fat Girl

Wish You Were Here

2008-05-07T08:59:00.000-07:00

Hi, everyone!

I am writing from deep in the heart of I Don't Know, on the precipice of The Scary Thing, somewhere east-northeast of Reinvention. It isn't my first time here, but it's been a while.

It's also been a while since I have written. You know, it's hard for me to admit this ... as much as I preach against perfection and for reality, I still tend to hide when I'm out of sorts ... or sorting out. It's like I know that I Don't Know is where I need to be ... I am just still afraid of not seeming so damn SURE of myself all of the time. Even to you, my FFG friends.

Anyway, I want to tell you first that reading the guest book brings tears to my eyes. It astonishes me every day that more and more women are claiming what is rightly theirs ... their health, their time, their bodies, their power and confidence ... and that I might have something to do with it. Little ordinary me. It shows me every day that massive change is possible, even on a grand scale, if we just take some chances. Because (like I said in the book)--if I can do it, anyone can.

I am rambling a bit (so what's new?), but I just can't tell you how much your posts mean to me ... that I am somehow making a difference. I am hearing your stories of real change, and am so grateful for them.

Back to the point already!

So ... the actual, physical locale I'm writing from is Nashville Tennessee, soon to be my new home. I am moving here to be editor of a new magazine called Spry ... that's launching in September.

Spry is a monthly magazine distributed in newspapers to 9 million people! That's the same number of copies of Elvis's Christmas Album ever sold, and tops Michael Jackson's Bad by a rather embarrassing million!

So what the heck is Spry about? Living every day better than the last. Seeing life ... and age ... as an opportunity, an adventure (not as an endurance race). It's about the glass-half-full, the new door opening, the next phase of our lives where we have the confidence, the power and the wherewithal to explore new things, to reach new goals ... to live the life we have always wanted.

Yes, it's about health and wellness and fitness and nutrition and all that, mostly for women ages 35-64 (but hey, I know you youngsters and "maturesters" will love it too!). But it's also about inspiration ... being inspired to take healthier actions in your life, and reading inspiring stories about women who are achieving, bouncing back, taking risks ... and helping others to do so.

For me, it's a chance to create my own thing from scratch and to reach a bigger platform than I ever have before. I am so excited about it ... but it is a huge risk and responsibility. Selling a house (have you HEARD about the current real estate market?). Starting a magazine. Moving a family (son, husband, dog). Moving away from family (my inlaws). No one ever said I had perfect timing.

But this IS the year of I Don't Know, right? I am trying to remember that, as wonder where we will be for the summer ... when Johnny is out of school ...

Anyway, I wanted to let you all know about my new thing. I promise I won't abandon you ... and I'm hoping I'm more connected than I have been over the last several months.

Also, I am looking for stories about women who are what you think of as Spry: someone who has reached a life goal (like ... losing weight? hint, hint), someone who has conquered a health issue, or started a charity, or just looks damn great for her age (and makes us all wonder how she does it!). Tell me about all the Spry women in your life (or maybe it's you!)!

Love you, all of you wonderful friends--

Lisa D

The Scary Thing!

2008-04-09T12:29:00.000-07:00

Hi, FFGs and Future FFGs--

I have been neglecting you. You know, I think as much as I vow to blog shorter and more often, this is what it is and I am what I am: not a short/sweet/frequent blogger. Believe me, I think about it ... and you ... all the time. The solution may be to do a vlog or an audio blog, because by god, I could talk your ears off about all things FFG. (The only danger: that you would get sick of me. I am a firm believer in the "absence makes the heart grow fonder" aka law of supply and demand thing.)

I have a million things on my mind, but I have to make a choice. So here it is.

I have to say I am sucked in to "Dancing With the Stars." (Please, please don't click that little red box with the X in it ... yet, anyway!) I do think of myself as somewhat hip and cool for my age, but I know this puts that illusion in major jeopardy. But who can resist watching such an odd, disparate group of people do ANYTHING, let alone cha cha, rhumba, crunk (the hip-hop version of the Viennese Walz), and tango. This season is an embarrassment of riches in that respect. I mean, Priscilla Presley and the guy from Police Academy? How strange can you get?

Part of the attraction could be that I, in fact, love dancing. I actually took ballroom dance classes in the early 90s (I was firmly rooted in the un-comfort zone!). My partner was a guy who now has a talk show on Fox News ... I won't tell who because he may skewer me on air! We were co-workers, and I had a little crush on him. NOT because he was any good at dancing, mind you. He had completely no rhythm whatsoever.

I also dabbled in something called contra dance, and used to go to swing dances in Philly with a girlfriend of mine. That was totally fun. Then, soon after I moved to Birmingham, I was at a festival hosted by the magazine I was working for at the time. We had hired a Cajun band for entertainment, and a cute guy asked me to dance. That cute guy is now Mr. FFG. And no, we don't dance much any more but I am lobbying for it!

Anyway ... back to Dancing With the Stars. So the other night, the audience voted out Adam Carolla, a comedian who I have to say I don't really find all that funny. He didn't do much to endear himself to the audience, either, especially when he called the female judge the "b" word on live tv (hey, hey--this is a family show!).

And, he was about as graceful as Herman Munster on the dance floor. I don't deny anyone the right to get out and dance, even if they stink at it. I, as you know, am ALL ABOUT trying ... and fight a daily battle against the perfectionism that threatens to keep me, and all FFGs and Future FFGs, frozen in fear. But the rules of the game say somebody has to go, and last night, that was Adam.

Why am I blathering on about this? Here's the point. This guy said something at the end of the show, his final words before he left the ballroom forever, that really stuck with me. It was pure FFG. He looked at the camera and said (paraphrasing): "Hey, America. I know everyone can't be on Dancing With the Stars. But if there's something out there that scares you, go for it. Do the scary thing."

Wow.

I wrote about that in my book. How the things that most scare me are the ones that, in the end, have the most potential for making me happy (ok, except maybe pit vipers). It has been true, time and time again. And I needed to hear that (from Adam Carolla, no less) yesterday, because I'm kind of in a scary transitional place again in my life. (What, you are saying? AGAIN?)

I won't go into details now. But I have committed to a new venture and am doing my usual thing ... having that morning-after OH SH**! reaction. The what-have-I-done-I-can't-do-this-i'm-not-as-good-at-[fill in the blank]-as-they-think-and-what-if-they-find-out? thing.

I am flat-out scared.

This has happened before. Indeed, it happens every time I take a leap. I should be prepared for it, but no. I need ADAM CAROLLA to remind me that the scary path is the right path. But hey, I'll take it--it just tells me that the right messages can come from anywhere ... billboards, fortune cookies, Dancing With the Stars, even blogs.

I tried to find the clip from Adam on You Tube to post here. If anyone does a better job of searching than me, please post! And ... tell me all about your scary things. I want to hear!

Lisa D

I Give UP!

2008-03-14T09:04:00.000-07:00

I know lots of you have come to expect messages of hope, inspiration, motivation from this FFG. But today, I may not deliver. See ... I've got a confession to make (tis the season for fessing up for Catholic girls like me).

I quit.

The other day, I went to a Pilates class. Now, I have done Pilates before, and, while I don't buy the idea that there is one perfect workout out there that will transform our bodies ... Pilates comes pretty close. The couple of times that I have done it with any consistency, I can see and feel the changes in my body so fast ... it's amazing. Talk about your total-body toning. And those of you who have back problems should check it out (after talking to your doc).

I'm not saying Pilates is easy. Just the opposite. (In fact, what makes it less than perfect is that it's so damn hard!) I have seen it bring big, strapping football player-types to tears (on second thought, maybe that was sweat).

So, I go to this class, despite the fact that I was EXHAUSTED. Not merely tired, which is my usual state, but an empty shell. A deflated balloon. As listless as the most overcooked strand of spaghetti you have ever stomached. (I think you get the picture.) So what do I do? I go anyway. It's rare that I have the TIME to go, but I was off that day, so I thought, to h*** with what my body's saying ... I'm going anyway.

And it was a disaster.

I felt like crap the whole time. I struggled to do even the most simple pose. I could feel my back cramping, my neck aching, and finally, I just quit. I walked out.
But I didn't WIMP out. I did what my body was screaming for me to do ... give it a rest.

One of my issues as a Former Fat Girl is knowing what I NEED at any given time. It was a problem back when I was heavy, when it was more important to take care of everyone else's needs before my own, and it is a problem now. The challenge now is that it takes different forms. Back then, I NEEDED to get off my butt and get to Pilates, to drown out that whiner in my head who wanted me to quit, to use INO (It's Not an Option) to keep me true to my workouts, true to myself. But it is a BALANCE. Sometimes that little voice inside your head isn't the whiner, it's the voice of reason. It's the voice telling you that the healthiest thing to do for yourself is to take a freakin' nap.

How do you know what path to follow? How do you know when you need to push yourself, or ease off?

I have no easy answer. All I can say is that I KNOW. I know what I need, deep inside, even though sometimes I have to dig for it. Even though sometimes I mistake the whiner for the voice of reason ... and vice versa. Part of the trick is to find that quiet place in your head, away from the "noise" of life and all its demands and preconceptions of who you are, where you are comfortable with your most secret thoughts and desires. And then to use that place as your base of operations, the place where you make all your decisions, big and small. I try to get to that place as much as possible ... even envision what it would look like, and see myself sitting there. (Mine looks a little like a room I was lucky enough to stay in at the Mandarin Oriental in New York ...!)

And the other thing is, when you get it wrong, to forgive yourself and move on. I have gotten much better at this over the years (it must be all the practice I've had!), but still, it is work for this recovering perfectionist.

Like I said at the beginning--maybe this isn't the most inspirational message this FFG has to pass on. But it is honest. And I think it's important for you all to know that there isn't some switch I have flipped in my head that makes balance a no-brainer. It is an ongoing conversation, a daily, hourly, minute-by-minute process. Part of getting to that FFG place is recognizing this, accepting it, and embracing it.

Stay strong in your journey!

Lisa D

Former Fat Celebrities

2008-02-20T07:41:00.000-08:00

Dear FFGs and Future FFGs--

So maybe you have been reading the news about Kirstie Alley quitting (or getting fired from?) Jenny Craig. You know the backstory: Kirstie, who had a show called Fat Actress (never saw it), signed on as the JC spokesmodel in an effort to lose weight. I think she lost something like 70 pounds (same as me), and flaunted it on Oprah in a bikini.

Now there are reports that she's quitting Jenny to start her own weight loss thing. Or if you believe the National Enquirer, which I noticed (how can you not?) at the checkout lane in the grocery store Sunday, she was fired for gaining the weight back. In true NE style, they had a horribly unflattering photo of her on the cover of their "expose" story.

Who knows if it's an old photo, a new photo, whatever? And who, in fact, really CARES?

Sure, Kirstie put herself out there, and it was a great professional move for her. It kept people talking about her for a good long while (3 years?). It also really did get her to lose the weight she wanted to lose, and hopefully come away with some sense of what works for her and what doesn't weight loss-wise. Maybe she did/will gain the weight back, or at least some of it. Jenny is, after all, one of those plans that has you eating "unreal" food in an "unreal" world. So when you stop ... when you start going to parties, or eating out, or traveling, or just trying to live like the rest of us do surrounded by all kinds of temptation, how do you cope?

I have no idea if Kirstie exercises, if she has mantras, if she has any ways of mentally coping beyond the sort of forced portion control that is at the heart of the Jenny plan. I hope she does. One powerful stimulus is the fact that she so very publicly lost the weight--so hopefully, that will help her keep it off too. I have to say that I have joked to people that there's nothing like the pressure of "coming out" as a Former Fat Girl to keep you on a weight loss plan.

But even if she does gain it all back, as I did so many times along my journey, it's not wasted effort. I know it is hard to believe when you're in it, but I know that with every attempt to lose the weight, get healthy, start exercising--success or non-success (i will not use the f-word!)--I learned something about myself. What made it harder, what made it easier, which foods I could live without, which fitness routines I absolutely couldn't stand. And all of that knowledge helped me, in the end, become an FFG.

I have blogged a bit before about forgiveness, about our need to give ourselves a break when we don't meet our goals. If we truly believe this is a journey, a process, that should make it easier to look at our stumbles as lessons that will make us stronger and smarter when we wake up tomorrow. Know that I still struggle with this, too, in all aspects of my life. I struggle to get past every less-than-perfect moment in my life ... every lapse of memory (yesterday, I forgot to fill Johnny's water bottle to take to school), every slip of the tongue (so, I called a new colleague Darrel instead of Darin on the phone ... so what?), every inadequacy (too many examples to mention here). Every extra slice of pizza ... sneaky bite of chocolate ... fingerful of icing. It's almost a physical process to shut out the urge to dwell, overanalyze, relive these little moments. Sometimes, I visualize myself pushing closed the door to a huge vault, shutting myself off from those super-self-critical thoughts. It's another INO moment: It's Not an Option to obsess.

Anyway, that's what I'm thinking about today.

Lisa D

The Year of I Don't Know

2008-02-01T13:58:00.000-08:00

OK, so it's a month into 2008 and I'm just now writing about my New Year's resolutions. (Guess it's good that I didn't vow to tackle my propensity for procrastination or tendency to take liberties with the concept of time.)

Actually, I don't really make resolutions any more. Oh, I did vow to drink more water: I force myself to stand in the kitchen and down two 16 oz glasses at the start of every day. I think I'm in a perpetual state of dehydration, and front-loading helps me make a dent in it. (It's not exactly pleasant, though.)

Anyway, beyond those small-time vows, I have stopped doing resolutions. Instead, I do "theme years." The year I wrote my book, the theme was "All About Me." I chose that theme because I was determined to stop dreaming about writing a book, wishing wistfully for a little baby hardback to call my own. It was time to actually make it happen. I'd been thinking about writing Former Fat Girl for years--eight of them, actually. But other things, other obligations, usually obligations to other people, always got in the way. "All About Me" kind of kept me on task, gave me permission to take the time I needed to pursue that dream. And hey, it turned out pretty well, didn't it?

[Detour: Any of you FFGs out there who loved ... or even sort of liked ... the book, please go to Amazon.com and write a quick review. I have 18 reviews so far, and most are really good, but the last woman who wrote really zinged me. Said that all the positive reviews must have been written by my friends! And we know that's true, because I don't HAVE that many friends!]

So I do theme years. This year is The Year of I Don't Know. Allow me to explain: You know about the Un-Comfort Zone? That place where you are pushing yourself beyond your limits, your safe, secure, deadly boring limits? The limits that keep us from having the life we want to have, from losing the weight, from getting the job, from dating the man ... you know what I mean. Well, it's SO easy to slip back into that comfortable place without even knowing it. And it makes sense. The fact is that yesterday's challenge is today's rut. Unless we keep consciously and constantly pushing ourselves to seek out the new, we find ourselves back in that comfortable place.

I know me: I have this need to have all the answers. To be on top of it all. And while I have experienced the value of approaching this life as an adventure, I haven't been exactly living that way. Many of you know that I did make a career change last fall, and that was a big step. But part of the reason for adopting the I Don't Know theme is that I have this way of getting too committed to things way too fast, to shutting off my brain to other choices, other opportunities. (Maybe this is the dark side of INO.) Anyway, I am trying, this year, to suspend myself in this state of I Don't Know. To try to get back to where I am following my gut, listening to my instincts, trusting that the answers will come, instead of forcing them. Branding this The Year of I Don't Know reminds me that it's ok not to be so damn certain about everything.

Now ... I would love to know if any of you have themes for this year. Maybe this is The Year of I CAN! or The Year of YES! or (maybe even better) The Year of NO! Or it could be The Year I Travel to Italy and Decide Never to Return! The possibilities are endless.

What's your theme? Share it here.

Until next time ...

Lisa D
FFG, FKIA (Former Know-It-All)

In Coach, Going Nowhere

2008-01-20T11:10:00.000-08:00

The other day, I almost staged an intervention.

I was at the Y, talking myself into doing a treadmill workout. I have what I call a 3-to-1 relationship with the treadmill: I hate it three times more than I love it. I hate it for obvious reasons ... boredom, with a double side of monotony. But I love it because it allows me to squeeze in a quick run or walk when it's too cold or rainy or whatever outside. I love that it's there for me. It's like that shot in the butt you beg for when you have a sinus infection: You know you need it, you know it will do the job, but the fact of the thing is pretty god-awful.

I have learned, though, how to outsmart the treadmill. How to play games with the speed and incline buttons to distract that whiner inside (who whinges incessantly during my 20 minute or so ordeal). How to cover up the timer so I'm not aware of how achingly slow the minutes go by. How to only allow myself to peek during commercials on the TV monitor, where I may be treated to an I Love Lucy episode on a good day, or subjected to the yammering about the elections or the latest Britney episode on one of the 24-hour news channels.

Anyway, on this particular day, as I was on the treadmill, I noticed the woman on the machine beside me. I had actually seen her when I checked in at the front desk. She was one of those women who look completely put together, even on her way to a workout. Nice hair, nice makeup, what looked to be a new outfit straight from the pages of Athleta.

I think she was new at the Y, from the way she fumbled a bit with the treadmill buttons and neglected to use the sign-up sheet. (I'm no gym monitor--I only noticed because I was in the process of signing up for that very treadmill when she jumped on it.)

"Good for you," I thought (despite the fact that she stole my favorite 'mill). "You Go, Girl!"

She began walking at a decent pace, then picked it up to a light jog.

"Yeah! You're moving now!"

(Can't keep my inner cheerleader down.)

And then I glanced down at her feet and saw what could be her undoing.

Her shoes.

They were beautiful, brand new (apparently) Coach "fitness" shoes. You know, the ones with the little "Cs" on them.

I almost reached over and pushed the emergency STOP button right there.

Not that I have anything against Coach shoes. Or bags. I have spent my share of $$s in that store, believe me.

But trying to actually work out in Coach sneakers is a recipe for disaster. Those shoes ARE NOT fitness shoes, ladies. We all need more support than those sleek, chic sneaks have to offer.

Maybe I've drunk the sugar-free KoolAid, but I am a big believer in true fitness shoes and fitness shoe technology. I've been running for a long time (and hope to have many good miles in me yet), and the only time my knees start aching is when my shoes are worn down. It's very important to get the right shoe for your primary activity (ie, if you usually walk, get a walking shoe, if you usually run, get a running shoe). It's equally as important to get a shoe that works with the way you move. Does your foot roll in, roll out, or neither? Do you first land on your heel or your toes (more applicable to runners)? You can figure these things out by looking at the bottoms of your shoes to see which places wear down fastest. Or, you can just find a good fitness shoe retailer, take in some old shoes, and have them fit you.

And those stores aren't that hard to find. I used to tell people to go to a running specialty store (even if they were walkers), because the people who work there seemed to be more knowledgeable than the clerks in general sporting goods stores. But I did some events with Lady Foot Locker when I was an editor at Health magazine, and found out that the staff there really knows their stuff.

It helps, though, for you to take a few minutes to read up a bit on the subject. Here's a good article (I know because I edited it myself!).

Why invest in good shoes? Here's a cautionary tale. Once upon a time, I got a free pair of shoes from a company that was trying to woo me to write nice things about them (editors get stuff all the time, by the way--this particular incident really turned me off to the practice!). So I ran in them. After about the third time--no kidding--I started feeling this awful pain in my heel. It hurt so bad when I got out of bed in the morning that I could barely walk. Soon, I found out that I had what's called plantar faciitis, an inflammation of the band of tissue that runs along the bottom of my foot. Now, it could have been coincidence, but ... I think not. I have always blamed those shoes for the 6 months I lost to that horrible problem. That's right--six months of pain, six months of not running, six months of anxiety that all the hard work I'd done to lose my 70 pounds and change my life would all go to you-know-what.

All from a little pair of shoes.

I know, believe me, how much inner strength it takes to get yourself to a gym or get yourself up in the morning for a walk, or whatever your fitness resolution is. The mental thing is so, so hard--the last thing you want to do is have a PHYSICAL setback.

I didn't say anything to my treadmill companion in Coach. Should I have? I think not. I don't think she would have listened. And who the hell am I to give her advice? All I can do is make sure YOU girls know the score. Save the chic shoes for the post-workout Starbucks run (skinny latte no foam!).

Share your shoe stories--and ask questions, please!--here!

all my best--

Lisa D

ISO Fat-Free Fun

2008-01-09T06:48:00.001-08:00

Hey, Girls--

I had a great time speaking to a group of women last night at the Hoover Public Library here. I love getting out and meeting you FFGs and Future FFGs--as I told the group last night, it probably helps me as much as it helps you guys. Just like you, I need inspiration every day, to Just Try.

Anyway ... one of the wonderful women in the audience asked me for ideas for things to do with girlfriends (and I guess boyfriends too) that DON'T involve food. I had a couple of ideas, but I know you guys probably have better ones! Here are a couple of ideas I had (they were fresh on my mind since my running friends and I were trying to think of something to do together to celebrate the holidays). Please post your own!

1. Mani or Pedi or Mani/Pedi night: Set up a time for everyone to get their nails done together. Each of you pays for your own service; the point is to just meet together, relax, and chat. You could even make this a standing appointment (monthly!)--the best would be to find a salon that had a small area with enough chairs for you and your friends. Lots of women do this before their weddings with their bridesmaids, but why wait for the ring and the white dress? If you get your nails done anyway, turn it into a social occasion.
2. Art night: A very cool idea here in Birmingham: Some art galleries have started having something called Sip 'n Stroke (sort of an unfortunate name). You bring a bottle of wine (not required; but if you do want to drink, go for champagne--the bubbles make you sip slower so you don't drink as much!), and create a painting with expert instruction. Here's info on one called Art Buzz; maybe galleries in other cities are doing the same thing?
3. Free night: There always seem to be cool free things--lectures, art openings, even films--going on around here. On your girls night out, why not make it your goal to choose only from the list of free stuff (INO paying for anything!)? I know--it's kind of random, but it's good for us girls to get out of our comfort zones.
4. Comedy clubs, concerts, local theatre: Non-free stuff that might involve drinking, but at least it's not all about consuming calories. And 10 to 15 minutes of laughing, according to experts, can burn as many as 50 calories. Don't (er, do?) laugh--every little bit counts!

OK--now I want to hear from you. Do you have any fat-free fun ideas to share?

Thanks!

Lisa D

Short and sweet: My new blogging mantra

2008-01-06T15:04:00.000-08:00

Former Fat Girls, Future FFGs, and all who know and love me well enough to still care about reading after such a long absence:

Welcome to 2008! And I will just say it once, and then get on with it: I SUCK for neglecting this blog! No explanations, apologies, excuses, or justifications. It's time for a fresh start ...

Congrats to all of you who survived the holiday season, the "trying times" of food, family, fun, and more food. This holiday was pretty normal for me, which means that it wasn't normal at all: crazy schedule, tons of demands (mostly ones I put on myself!), completely no ideas for gifts (some years I get inspired--this one, sadly, I wasn't!), 13-hour car ride to Houston to visit family (I could just FEEL my butt spreading ...). But I took my own advice and tried to be forgiving, exercised when I could (even if all I could do was walk, or a Pilates DVD), sampled my homemade fudge and gave the rest to neighbors, friends, and family, and tried to remember to enjoy the minutes I had with Johnny, who was off for two whole weeks (he goes back to school tomorrow!).

The best gift I received: I saw my sister-in-law at one of the three Christmas celebrations we had. She looks great, and I told her so. She said she had dropped two dress sizes, from a 16 to a 12, and said, "Your little mantra is helping me."
INO (It's Not an Option, for those of you who need translation), she meant. That made me feel SO good. I had thought a lot about my sister in law when I was writing my book, because she is one of the most giving, sweet people I know--to the point of sacrificing herself for the needs of other people. I could just tell that she struggles with the same issues that all FFGs and Future FFGs struggle with. So to hear her say that sharing my struggle has helped her ... I truly can't describe it.

One of my big struggles right now is that I want to be here more for you all--I want to do more for the community of FFGs and Future FFGs out there. But real life and real job intervene. You all are constantly in my thoughts. I don't really make New Years' resolutions (I will explain what I DO do in another post), but one vow I am taking is to stop thinking so much and start acting. The thing with this blog is that I approach it like it's an essay, that it needs to have a start-finish-end, that it needs to live up to some kind of standards I set for myself as a writer. That makes blogging SUCH a big deal, when it should be more of a casual thing. I think that's why I could never really sustain a diary, either ... I just didn't get the point of sitting down to ramble ... it would be like sitting down at the piano and playing only half the notes in a piece.

But I'm vowing to write shorter and more often. I want to keep this momentum we have, to continue to share our successes and struggles. And lots is happening: I'm continuing to connect with new groups of women through speaking engagements, and I hope to do more of that in the future (believe me, I will make sure you get the info when I have it!), and the book is coming out in paperback (!) in March. I think I told you guys a while ago that I wanted to make a bunch of enhancements to this site ... I reached out to my fabulous webmaster only to find out that he is too busy (uh, directing music videos for some major stars, if you can believe!) to help. I'm hoping to get someone else to help me add all the features I want to add ... to make the site really more of a community than just ALL ABOUT ME!

OK. So in the spirit of brevity, I'm out.

I love you guys ... stay strong in your commitments to yourself!

Lisa D

The Un-luckying of Lisa

2007-11-16T09:21:00.001-08:00

Hi.

I am coming off of an amazing two weeks of meeting FFGs and Future FFGs in a variety of places--Brooklyn, NY last week at the SUNY Downstate Women's Health Fair ... here in Birmingham at the University of Alabama-Birmingham's Good Health program ... and just last night at an open house at Milestone books, again here in Birmingham. Meeting all of you, who are so welcoming, supportive of my message, willing to ask questions, challenge me, hear what I have to say--all of that just confirms for me that I'm doing what I need to be doing with my life.

When I was in Brooklyn, at the amazing Brooklyn Tabernacle, I kept hearing the word "blessed" a lot. So I started counting my blessings (the number of times I say the word, that is) ... and realized that I don't really say that word much. I say "lucky." But you know, I'm not lucky. I'm not lucky to have a beautiful, wonderful son who looked up at me last Sunday, amid the drudgery of the weekly grocery store visit, and said, "Mommy, I love being with you." I'm not lucky to have a husband that tolerates my uber-healthy cooking when he'd rather be eating barbecued ribs and pork n' beans. I'm not lucky to have friends willing to meet me in the freezing pre-dawn to run. I'm not lucky to have you to affirm me, support me, lift me up when I'm not sure why I do what I do.

I am blessed.

Right now, I vow to stop saying "lucky." Lucky implies a randomness, an accidental encounter. There's nothing random about the list I just ran through. Maybe I can use lucky if I ever take up poker, or Alabama gets a lottery. But there's a plan behind this whole life; there are reasons why I have been through what I've been through on the way here.

I thought a lot about that idea before I wrote my book. I don't for a second regret the struggles I had as a pre-Former Fat Girl. Even the most painful parts brought me to this place, gave me something to share, blessed me with the ability to share it.

So that's what's on my mind as we enter this Thanksgiving week--making sure I'm talking "blessings" as we're all taking "turkey."

have a "blessed" week.

Lisa D

A Little Forgiveness

2007-11-02T14:53:00.000-07:00

Hi, FFG friends--

So, it's the morning after the morning after ... And if you have to ask "After what?" then you might be reading the wrong blog. As they say on Jeopardy, What is Halloween. The annual orgy of everything sugary and sweet. Satan's favorite holiday. The official kick off for the most challenging time of year for we FFGs and Future FFGs. I tell you, I don't have to go to a haunted house to get creeped out by guys soaked in fake blood--the scary scene in my own house is enough to make me run screaming. Not only have I had to deal with the bags of candy we bought to be distributed to the 100 million trick-or-treaters who come to our house annually (you'd think we REALLY got that many kids, judging by the massive bags we bought home from Kmart). Now I've got Johnny's plastic pumpkin full. And it's SO much more fun to dig through that, because you never know what you're going to find . . . Mini Junior Mints! Multicolored Kissables! (What's this? Temporary tattoos? BORING!) Those big, thick Tootsie Rolls! Tiny Chick-o-Sticks!

I've got to stop myself before I dive in and grab myself a handful.

So here we are, in the aftermath. Faced with the inevitable temptations. Working that INO. Trying to tune out that whiner in our heads ("Why can't I have one little piece, plleeeeeze?").

Doing our best to stick to the plan, whatever the plan might be.

Mine changes. Last night, I told myself I could have one of those mini bags of Peanut M&Ms, because those little nuggets of perfection might just be on my last meal list, if I had to give you one. So I ate them, one at a time, biting each in half and doing my best to make the bliss last. Meditating on the afterglow to will the flavor to remain as long as possible in my mouth.

And then, I thought . . . ooh, one of those big, fat Tootsie Rolls would be good. And they're not so bad . . . at least they're non-fat (as you can see, I was ready to justify about anything at that point). So I gave in. To that . . . and a few more Tootsie Rolls. And maybe a Hershey's Kiss or two. And . . .

I can just HEAR you all saying . . . that's NOTHING. Lemme tell you what I put away last night! But ladies, this is NOT a competition. I wouldn't say last night was a binge, but I certainly went way beyond the point where I intended to STOP.

And typically, what happens next is the usual internal lecture, the judgment and condemnation, the finger wagging disapproval. All that crap that leaves me (and all of us) feeling like dirt. And feeling like . . . I'm SUCH a piece of dirt, I don't deserve to treat myself and my body right. I don't DESERVE all the energy I put into learning how to eat right, planning my meals, psyching myself up to exercise, rewarding my progress, all that. Because a measly little pack of Peanut M&Ms can take me down in a split second.

One of the things that I have worked on over the years, and continue to work on DAILY, is forgiveness. I realized, at some point in this journey, that I was so willing to forgive everyone else their "weaknesses" (I put that in quotations because ... I hate that word! I don't really think they exist but I used it so you would know what I mean), but that somehow, I was unworthy of that forgiveness. Somehow, I was unforgivable. And that feeling of being unforgivable was one of the things keeping me stuck in my body and a way of thinking about myself that was unhealthy.

I have had to work to rewire that part of my brain so that I'm just as forgivable as the people closest to me. That I should forgive myself like I would forgive my child, my husband, my parents, my sister. That I should show the same compassion for myself as I would show for them. Or the kids on the UNICEF commercials. Because I am worthy of that compassion.

I think forgiveness is such a part of the Former Fat Girl journey that it might just be the 8th Secret. (Hey, I have a sequel!) We are who we are. We can always be better—but that doesn't mean we’re starting at BAD. We're just reaching for more, and because we're, uh, HUMAN, we'll be doing that all our lives.

Sooo. About that damn candy. Think about this:
--the 23 hours and 45 minutes yesterday that you WEREN'T eating it. I would say that's a mighty impressive feat. Congratulate yourself!
--the freezer. Laffy Taffy is horribly hard frozen. I know. I've tried it. Several times.
--the trash can. Hey, I hate waste more than anyone. But trashing the stuff is cheaper than therapy . . . and Weight Watchers . . . and a bigger pair of jeans. (Of course, I have to mix it up with other garbage or put the can out at the curb where the neighbors could see me digging anything out . . . because I have been known to do a little dumpster diving).
--the soldiers. OK, I know I'm not the only one who heard about the dentist who buys back Halloween candy and sends it to the troops in Iraq. I think we should start a FFG movement: Snickers for the Soldiers. We could all pack up our Halloween loot and ship it off. I think that's a little more socially responsible than foisting it on your poor co-workers.

More ideas welcome!

And remember . . . These are Trying Times. And I mean that two ways . . . they’re HARD times (because Thanksgiving and Christmas and Hanukkah and New Years . . . they're following close behind). But they're also times to think about the fact that your goal is to Just Try. To take those little steps that add up to FFG success. And to forgive yourself when you stumble, trip, fall. To remember that ... tomorrow is another chance to start fresh.

Your partner in this journey,

Lisa D

I Just Want to Celebrate!

2007-10-14T12:12:00.000-07:00

Hey--

So I'm finally--after shipping it back FIVE times ... and I am not exaggerating! ... sitting at my new desk in my new home office, writing to all of you. To say that the last two weeks have been interesting doesn't really say anything ... I feel, in many ways, so FREE. And that's not just because I've worn a bra exactly three times during that period (except for my sports bras when I run). I feel almost a literal weightlessness. Right after I told my boss I was quitting, I felt like I was flying during my 5 a.m. runs ... and that's saying a lot for this almost-47-year-old body. I was driving home after dropping Johnny off at kindergarten last week, and I just wanted to shout! I feel almost like I felt when I went scuba diving for the first time, off a Caribbean island called Bonaire. Suspended in a sea of nothing and everything, alone (in a good way) in the middle of nowhere/everywhere. Knowing that what I do and when I do it is up to ME (and, really it always has been!).

Anyway.

Before I lose you all in nonsensical profundity, to the point. I have been thinking for months now about how to celebrate. How to celebrate writing a book that was gestating in me for over 8 years. How to celebrate the amazing response it's gotten from women like you ... women all over the world (or at least in the US and the UK, thanks to today's Guest Book poster from across the pond!). To celebrate this amazing new life where, through FFG and through my new job, I'm really able to pursue my mission: to help make the lives of women from all walks of life a little healthier.

I've become a bit picky (picky? MOI?) about celebrations especially in the last several years. I LOVE my husband, but when I say I want to do something special, he automatically says ... "Where do you want to go for dinner?" I could really care less about dinner. And it's not because I'm such a Spartan that I can't let loose a bit. And it's not that I want to put Rick through all kinds of gyrations just to celebrate an anniversary or birthday. With us, it's the age-old man/woman thing: I JUST want a little creativity. But I can live with dinner out, or with a piece of jewelry (I should be grateful, right?).

But a birthday's a birthday; an anniversary's an anniversary--I will (hopefully!) have one every year for a long time to come. Writing the book, though ... that's been a DREAM of mine since I was a child. I still forget, some days, that I actually did it. How do you celebrate reaching a life goal? A dinner of cedar-planked salmon won't do it--EVEN with chocolate layer cake for dessert.

I have been talking about this with my friend Lynn a bit. Lynn and I were both dealing with major career issues this summer. She ended up snagging a HUGE promotion, right around the time that I got my new job. I think kvetching with her was what got me through a summer of horribly hot runs. So we have both been trying to figure out how we want to celebrate ... maybe with the other two women in our little running group. But we just haven't found anything that sounds special enough (that isn't a $5,000 week at a spa!). We've looked into weekend girls-only getaways that won't break our bank accounts, but nothing has jumped out at us yet. I'll keep you posted (and please let me know if you have any ideas!).

Why am I yammering on about this to you? Well, one of the things about being a Former Fat Girl is figuring out how to treat yourself in ways that don't involve food. When you take food off the table (pardon the pun) ... what is it that really makes you feel special? What is a true, soul-satisfying reward? I think it's especially hard to answer that question, because really, food wasn't it either. We use it as a substitute for what we REALLY want, REALLY need to be happy in life. It's easy to get so far out of touch that you don't even ASK yourself that question at all ... and when you do, it's not all that easy to figure out how to answer. I think one of the things that has helped me over the years (even though you know I OFTEN fall off the wagon!) is to have a list of really soul-satisfying, non-food rewards. Some of mine are (in no particular order):
--books ... preferably brand new ... from the bookstore
--an entire day to myself ... no children, husband, obligations (I call this one "heaven" ... at the same time that I feel completely guilty about it!)
--a trip to the movie theater BY MYSELF to see whatever I want ... with a small popcorn and diet coke!
--a GREAT pedicure, massage, or facial
--a long walk or hike with my dog
--staying at a great hotel (even if it's on business)
--seeing live music and/or theater
--a bike ride with my friend Jill, followed by a glass of wine and dinner at her house
--backpacking with my husband
--travel, of course ... especially to somewhere new ... whether it's by myself, with my husband and son, or with girlfriends

Just writing these down makes me feel renewed, somehow. Reminds me of the things I really LOVE and need to do more often. Brings me back to places and feelings and people that have made me the happiest.

I'd like to do a little experiment: First, if you have celebrated some huge life achievement in a creative way, please post! Second, use a post to write down your own list of rewards, and tell me how posting them here makes you feel. If you got as much out of it as I did, we might need to have a message board devoted JUST to this topic on FFG.com Version 2.0 (coming soon!).

Happy week!

Lisa D

Greetings from the Un-comfort Zone!

2007-10-01T09:06:00.000-07:00

New job, Day One.

For the first time in 12 years, I did not get in my car and drive the 11-minute commute to an office.

And it feels completely weird.

My last day at my old job was a week ago Friday ... capping an emotional two weeks from when I first announced my departure. Actually, the whole summer has been emotional for me, but it got even harder when I had to explain my decision to leave to the people I'd worked with for so long. The best thing about it was having the chance to tell them, once and for all, how much I valued them, and to hear how much they valued me. Funny ... or maybe that's not the right word? ... that we wait until someone's leaving to give them the compliments, the credit, the thank yous they've deserved for so long. As a manager, I tried to do that as I was pushing my employees to do their best, but I know I didn't say "thank you, great job" often enough. And I didn't hear it enough either. One of the things ... the most important things ... I'm taking with me out of this whole experience is the lesson that you can never say thank you enough.

Anyway ...

Now, I am here, in my makeshift office. I had last week off ... purportedly to get the "perfect" home office set up for my new beginning. And you know how it goes when you set out to do the "perfect" anything ... s*&^% happens. Like my son, who hasn't been sick in literally two years (and at age six, that's a third of his life!) ... ends up in the nurse's office at school with a sore throat and fever. He's still not right ... home from school on my first day. In the other room, watching Scooby Doo while I try to learn this whole new thing. Then, the desk I ordered online ... the matching file cabinets didn't exactly match. Instead of sending two white ones, they sent one black and one white. I'm sure the HGTV Design Star person could make it work, but not me. So, I had to pack an entire file cabinet up and send it back. Got the replacement quick--and, when I opened it this morning, on my first day of work, all ready to fill it up with nice, shiny new files, I discover that the veneer is peeling off. So it's back in the box, waiting on my porch for yet another UPS guy to pick it up. Let's hope the third time's a charm.

I've been thinking a lot about "perfect" the last week or so, and not just because things haven't exactly been going as planned. I read last week about a new study that showed how women today are much less satisfied, much less happy than they were in the 70s. The editorial commentators thought this was curious, particularly in the light of all the progress that has been made over these 30 some-odd years ... you know, women in space, Hillary a viable presidential candidate, females outnumbering males in the workplace as well as in colleges, younger women out-earning younger men ... With all that progress, what do we have to be sour about? But they pointed out that all these new developments have just added more to our to-do lists. Clean the toilets, check. Pack kids' lunches, check. Pay light bill, check. Solve health-care crisis, check.

I see myself in all of this, you know. That's me ... the one whose first impulse is to sign up for all of it. To hand-make the kid's Halloween costume. To host Thanksgiving dinner for my in-laws. To say I'll help out at my OLD job, while I've not even wrapped my head around the NEW one. To say yes to anyone who even hints that they might need me. To set myself up as the Go-To Girl once again. And to walk around in a chronic state of dissatisfaction, inadequacy, self-doubt, because I can never, ever do it all PERFECTLY.

And I'm not the only one. This perfectionism, all-or-nothing, over-achieving thing is something I believe Future Former Fat Girls and Former Fat Girls share. It's at the very heart of why we can't seem to drop those damn pounds in the first place. It's what drives us to eat the whole half-gallon of butter pecan because we screwed up and had a spoonful ... when we promised ourselves we wouldn't. It's what keeps us on the couch because we don't have a full hour to exercise, so why do anything at all? It's why we can't imagine how we could find time to cook a great healthy dish instead of run through the drive-through--not with all those Very Important Commitments to Everyone But Ourselves.

Isn't it interesting that not only have we become more dissatisfied over the last 30 years, we have become heavier, too. The expectations we have of ourselves--to make costumes worthy of Martha, to cook meals as good as Giada, to have skin as smooth as those smiling women in the Botox commercials (without Botox!)--create so much stress that we dive into our pantries for solace. Food has become even more of a refuge from the demands of the world, as the world has become even more demanding.

Yes, I am a Former Fat Girl--I've lost the weight, I've kept it off. I have become a different person than I was 20 years ago. But these perfectionistic tendencies are things I deal with every day, even now--just as I still use INO (It's Not an Option) to keep me from stealing into the kitchen for an M&M cookie (I know EXACTLY where they are in the pantry ... and how many are left!). All I can do is try, every day, to see the world ... and MYSELF ... as the imperfect thing it is, to roll with it when things don't go according to plan. To forgive ... myself, my circumstances, whatever ...

And that's what I'm doing right now, sitting at the plastic card table my husband uses to display his screws and sawblades (he sells hardware for a living) instead of my gleaming antique white desk in my cozy, little workspace. Not exactly a "perfect" start.

But, it's a start. And that's good enough, for now.

Lisa D

Keepin' It Real

2007-09-14T06:51:00.000-07:00

I'm baaaaack!

I can't tell you how bad I feel for being so scarce lately. But I'm just going to assume you guys forgive me and move on (easier said than done for us FFGs, right?).

Anyway.

I've been trying out a new mantra lately. Those of you who have read the book know about INO--It's Not an Option. I've gotten lots of notes and comments from FFGs and Future FFGs who have made INO their own (good for you!). As you know, I'm into mantras--I guess because I'm a big believer in the power of words to change behavior, thinking, attitudes ... the world, basically. But I also have pretty high standards for mantras ... I won't sign on to anything that isn't completely right. So, for the last couple months, I've been thinking a lot about WHAT IS REAL. I've long been intrigued by the notion that it's so difficult to see your body as it really is--especially, I think, if you're a FFG. It's that whole idea put out there in that rather bad but sort of good movie, Shallow Hal, where Jack Black sees Gwyneth Paltrow as a completely beautiful, perfectly proportioned woman, when everyone else saw a dumpy, lumpy, acne-scarred fat girl. A funny, nice, wonderful fat girl, but a fat girl.

The interesting thing about this is that Black's character is looking at her through the lens of love ... How many of us can do that for ourselves? I wouldn't say I necessarily look at my body through the lens of hate, but I'm an editor ... I'm trained to look for flaws to fix. Or maybe I'm an editor because that's how I'm wired in the first place. So when I'm staring in the mirror, my radar zeros in on the imperfections ... even now, at my Former Fat Girl fighting weight.

And I know it's not just me. I was signing books in Chicago in July, and a woman came up to me and said "I bet I know what the book is about--how you never really see yourself as thin even after you lose the weight." She went on to say she had lost about 60 pounds and was a Former Fat Girl too. I've also gotten questions and posts about this same issue.

I'm also becoming more and more convinced that we FFGs have trouble figuring out WHAT IS REAL in other parts of our lives too. I wrote a couple of posts ago about a decision I was facing ... a situation I was trying to resolve. I have been stuck in a place career-wise that hasn't been good for me ... and I've been there for a LONG time. TOO LONG. Oh, on paper, I have it great. But the REALITY of it isn't. I have thought about making a change several times, and have even gone so far to interview for other jobs and everything--even getting some offers. But I always get sucked back in by the possibility that things will get better. That one good meeting, that one great idea, that one great project that makes me think ... yeah, here it is. THIS is what I'm here for.

But it never lasts.

So I've had this opportunity to make a change, and I've decided to take it--to jump back into the un-comfort zone. I'll be working for a non-profit company devoted to using the internet to get crucial, life-changing information about health and wellness (among other things) to low-income Americans. I'm can't-wait-to-get-started excited/what-if-I-suck-at-it scared. But (to quote Martha) it's a good thing. As I'm leaving this company that I've been working for for the past 11 years, where I've learned so much, done so much--even though I know that leaving is the right thing--I have those fleeting "oh, maybe it would be different" impulses that cloud the reality of what it has been like, day to day, for me there. So I've been stuck on this new mantra, KEEP IT REAL, for the last month or so. And I think I'll keep it in my FFG tool box. Because I know I have issues with KEEPING IT REAL ... with my body, with people (ie, knowing who my friends really are), with motives (am I saying "yes" so everyone will like me, or because I really WANT to?), with EVERYTHING.

Oh, and the other thing about this new gig is that I'm working from my home, four days a week. What will I be doing on that 5th day? Writing my blog. Working on this site, implementing all those ideas I've told you about. Pulling together a new FFG book. Planning retreats. Creating groups. So you will be hearing from me regularly--I promise--from now on.

Keep it real, girls--

Lisa D

Something to Snack On

2007-08-24T08:36:00.000-07:00

Hi--

OK, so this has been the craziest two weeks.

--I did a TV taping for Fox 6 in Bham
--I had pre first-day-of-kindergarten teacher meetings, open house, crazy purchasing of supplies and uniform stuff
--I experienced the requisite last-day-of preschool meltdown (uh, that was me, not Johnny)
--I did an interview for Quick and Simple magazine (for which next week I have to do a photo shoot! with my family! including my very unruly dog!) And no, still don't know which issue it will be in ...
--I had my mom and nephew in town for a last-days-of summer visit ...
--We had Johnny's first day of kindergarten! No tears, no problem! (for him, not me!)
--I did a little talk at the Mountain Brook Library here in Bham--on Johnny's first day of school (VERY poor planning on my part)
--I flew to New York to do the CBS Early Show (my FIRST national TV thing!) for Health magazine (no, unfortunately NOT for FFG ... but I'm still hoping!)

All the while doing my day job and trying to still grapple with the issue I wrote about a couple of weeks ago. Still completely in the middle, on the edge, not knowing what to do. But things are becoming somewhat clearer. Last week, I didn't sleep much at all. This week, I'm sleeping well (not counting being up at 2 a.m. this morning for about an hour). But i am trying to stand firm. I am trying to put ME (and my family) first ... despite subtle attempts to make me feel bad for doing so. Thank you all for your messages of strength and for believing in me ... you all help me keep believing.

I wanted to write a bit about an issue I'm having with Johnny. You know, he's in kindergarten from 8-3 every day, and then he goes to after-care (I'm trying to pick him up no later than 5:15, which is causing some issues at work). He has a snack in the a.m., which I pack (yogurt, fruit, peanut butter crackers), because he doesn't eat lunch until 12:30. But every day at aftercare, there's a box of cookies, grape juice or KoolAid or something, and graham crackers and peanut butter--which they can eat at will. On top of that, there's a whole closet full of single-serving bags of chips, Rice Krispie treats, you name it.

Now, I know my son. He's going to eat himself sick on that crap (excuse me!). I've talked to him about it--said he should only have one treat, and he has agreed. But yesterday, he had ... two chocolate chip cookies, and had just grabbed a third when I walked in to get him. He said "Sorry, mommy. But it's SO hard." Well, of course it's hard. He tried to blame the women who work there for making it available, and I told him it was up to him to choose what he was going to eat.

Now, I'm not freaking out about this. We have stopped giving him treats at home, except for on the weekend. Which kind of pisses me off because I've found that I LIKE making him happy that way. In a way, though, it's good to be challenged as a mom, and as a Former Fat Girl, to break that cycle of using food to reward and to show love. It's always been about spending time together, about interacting, about playing and reading and dancing and telling stories. But I'm realizing now that food is not an option (there's that phrase again!) as a way to reward my little guy, I have had to be even more creative.

But I have to say, it makes me angry that we have to deal with this in an age where childhood obesity is making headlines EVERY DAY. Why is it necessary for kids to have such bounty available to them? I think there are very few kids who can stop themselves from overindulging. After all, where did the whole cliche "Kid in a candy shop" come from?

I have to figure out how to handle this in a way that's not confrontational ... that's helpful. Part of this is, I think, getting to know the other parents and whether they have an issue with it. Maybe if I'm not the only one, we can make a change. We have to stand up for our kids. We have to use our power as parents.

I mentioned this situation at work, and another mom of older kids said that I just had to get used to not having control over what my son eats. Maybe that's part of it. I'm not saying my son doesn't deserve a couple of cookies after school. But as many as he wants? No. There's no reason for it.

You guys who don't have kids--sorry for my venting. But this is really ALL our problem. When I was a Fat Girl, I could look around in my class ... in third grade, fourth grade ... and there was maybe one or two other kids who were as big (or bigger) than me. Now, half the class in some cases are overweight--and much more overweight than I was. These kids deserve a better life, just as we do. They deserve some help from people who know what overeating does to your body, your health, your WHOLE LIFE. A recent study showed that overweight girls were less likely to go to college, less likely to seek professional jobs, etc. THAT WAS ME. Oh, I went to college, but I held myself back in so many other ways.

Teaching healthy eating habits and backing that up with behaviors (as my dad would say "putting your money where your mouth is") is a way of empowering kids BEYOND just the physical. Let's work together to make it happen.

Thanks for reading--

Lisa D

Postcard from The Edge

2007-08-08T02:26:00.001-07:00

Hi, everyone--

I have to tell you a story. Yesterday, I was taping a segment for our local Fox 6 TV station on my book (so strange for me to think I will be on TV! Next Tuesday in Birmingham!). It was actually really fun, and easier than I thought it would be--I had a great conversation with the reporter, Devon Walsh, about my story and the secrets I used to finally drop the weight. At one point, she asked me to read out loud a couple of portions from the book. I read a bit from the introduction, where I talked about how being a "fat girl" isn't really just about weight--it's about what's in your head (one of THE most important points in the book). And then Devon asked me to read a part that kind of sums up my journey. So I turned to the final page of Chapter 7, and read the part about how my son knows me as someone who "stands up for herself," who looks at life as "one uncomfortable adventure."

Wow.

Not that it was such a great bit of prose or anything. But those words hit me hard: I have slipped back into that self-sacrificing role ... I've lost a bit of that Former Fat Girl me in the day to day of getting it done ... all of a sudden, I'm back in my comfort zone, afraid to do what I need to do with my life. Argh.

Isn't that always the way? You think you have it all figured out, and then something happens and you realize ... oops, there I go again. And it's funny--I think I have put more pressure on myself to have all the answers since this book has come out, to be the perfect Former Fat Girl, all the while yakking about how perfection isn't possible. The truth is, I still struggle with all that stuff--the self-sacrificing, the perfectionism, the fear of disappointing, of not being loved. I struggle with that more than with the desire to run to the pantry for a 4:42 a.m. snack (as you can see, I haven't been sleeping much lately). And that's saying A LOT, you know.

I knew the last couple of months have been out of control--work wise, home wise, everything wise--that I'm doing too much, that I'm so overwhelmed with work, in particular, that I'm not at my best at home. But until I read that passage, I just didn't get how far gone I was. Part of it is the usual thing that happens when I'm going through a transition. The struggle to get to a decision is always so much harder for me than dealing with the aftermath. I always think about the first time I went rappelling. If you've never been, you should totally do it. It's the perfect thing for Former Fat Girls and Future FFGs: It's all about trust and risk. The hardest part is backing over the edge, those two or three seconds (more if you're really freaking out) where you're going from vertical to horizontal, where you're testing the ropes to see if they can REALLY hold your weight (that was a big thing for me my first time!). Once I got over the edge, the rest was easy--even fun--and all the more satisfying, knowing just how scary it was looking down from the top.

I think one of the hardest things for me to do is to ask for what I want. I'm better at knowing what I DON'T want than what I DO want. What's that about? Maybe it's because I'm so tuned into other people's needs, anticipating them so I can make sure I'm right there, plugging the holes, getting it done, being the hero. I'm so focused on THEM that when it comes to ME, I'm speechless (and I'm not speechless about much, let me tell you!). I also think it's part of being a fat girl--we eat as a diversion, we numb ourselves to our true needs and desires with food.

But I think I have finally turned a corner. Figured out what I want to do about my situation, even started the conversation I need to have (but not finished it ... which also makes things harder). I know I'm being cryptic--I can't really broadcast what I'm thinking about just yet--but let's just say my goal is to have more time for blogging, more time for you, more time for me, more time for Johnny (who starts kindergarten next week, by the way!), more time for living. I will have an update for you in a few weeks, I promise. In the meantime, let me hear from you. Do you have trouble figuring out what you want--and then making it happen? Any tips, or word of encouragement (my, the tables have turned!) for me, as I work through this mysterious issue in my life? I would love to hear ...

Thanks for listening--
Lisa D

On the road ... again!

2007-07-29T11:34:00.000-07:00

Hi--

I've been spending lots of time in airports over the last couple of weeks—a lot more than I'd planned, actually. I will spare you the nasty details--I'm sure any of you who has tried to fly anywhere this summer has stories of her own. I should be sleeping right now to catch up from getting in at 11 p.m. insted of 7 p.m. on Wednesday from a trip to Las Vegas (for work, not fun!), but I was lying awake and thinking about blogging, so I got up. Anyway, all this travel got me thinking about how hard it can be to manage staying healthy on the road, so I thought I'd share what I do (and I'm hoping you have some secrets I can learn from too!).

What I pack:
--Always, always workout clothes and shoes. I have gotten to the point where I never check bags unless absolutely necessary, and even then, I put a workout outfit and sneakers in my carry on. I don't want my workouts to be a the mercy of the airlines!
--My Pilates DVD. The one I like is called the Rael System 17--there's a System 7 for beginners and a System 27 that's really hard--too hard for me. I usually have my laptop with me if I'm going away for work, so I can just pop that in at night in my hotel room and get a great strength workout. The thing about Pilates is that it's hard and all that, but you don't need a mat (lay a towel down on your nasty hotel carpet, please!), you don't sweat, and you get a workout that can really change your body very quickly. When I do this DVD consistently, I can see my posture changing and feel my body toning up in about 3 sessions. And it's such a small item--takes up zero space in your bag.
--Sometimes my jump rope, or my swimsuit, goggles, and cap. The jump rope has saved me--I can get a great workout really quickly and not have to count on a hotel having a great gym or anything. And I love to swim laps--if the hotel where I'm going has a lap-swimming pool, I'm there. I've also done water running on occasion if the pool isn't big enough for lap swimming.

What about snacks?
I believe in being prepared when I travel--I bring healthy foods in self-defense, just in case I'm stuck somewhere starving and all that's available is Sbarro's greasy pizza. (There's a time and a place for Sbarro's, but I want to have a choice!) First, I try to have a good, healthy meal BEFORE I leave. Sometimes, I'm tempted to wait, thinking that I will have something great when I get to wherever I'm going. But I've been burned by flight delays and everything too many times, and ended up trying to find something decent in an airport (and you know what a challenge that can be!). I choose really filling, super healthy things like oatmeal (for breakfast), or a big salad at lunch or dinner. I figure it's the last time before I leave that I will really have control over what I eat, so I should do the healthiest thing possible. And then, I stash lots of snacks. I always have an energy bar with me ... the Zone Peanut Butter/Chocolate bars are the best. They're 220 calories, so they're really not a snack--but I've eaten them for lunch on long flights or breakfast on short ones. I also bring things like 100 calorie packs and Fig Newtons, but I don't put too many of them in easy reach, or I'll end up eating them whether I'm hungry or not. For instance, I flew to Las Vegas the other day (a 3+ hour flight) with a Zone Bar and a 100 calorie pack of Chips Ahoy in my purse, with extras in my carry on. That's not much--I didn't even eat the Zone bar--but I did have two of those little bags of cocktail peanuts (60 calories each), which I knew I wouldn't be able to resist. See, that's the thing: I have to learn from my experiences here. I KNOW that I will want those peanuts, and will be tempted to eat whatever's in my purse whether I'm hungry or not. So why load up on goodies if I'm going to have to spend the whole flight arguing with my inner whiner ("But I'm sooooo bored ... and those snacks look soooo yummy. Can I just have a little?")?

Other stuff
I could go on forever about this. But I'll just mention a couple more things and then open it up to you to share your tips.
--I always work out the first morning of a business trip. Even if I have to get up super-early, it's better to do it then, because in my experience, I'm only going to get more tired and run down as the trip goes on. Also, I feel like it gives me a little ego boost if I've got a big meeting or something.
--I'm boring at breakfast and lunch. You're away, and you don't have much control over your meals ... eating at restaurants and all that. But I really try to stick with the same healthy breakfasts and lunches I have at home, with the idea that I will let myself go a little at dinner. So breakfast is usually cereal or oatmeal, or maybe fruit and yogurt and a piece of whole wheat toast. Lunch is almost always a salad--filling, and good insurance that you'll get all your veggies for the day in that meal.
--When I'm staying at hotels, I always try to find out what kind of fitness facilities there are. If I can choose the place, I will choose a hotel with a great gym ... with the idea that I might actually look forward to going there if it seems to have new and different machines or classes or whatever. I'm also really loyal to hotel chains that have a commitment to health and wellness (and there are some, believe it or not!). Westin is one of the best--they typically have huge gyms, and some nice light food on their restaurant and room service menus. Hilton and Hyatt are coming up too, and many smaller chains as well. Do a little research before you choose ... and if it's not up to you where you stay, or you're on a budget, at least know what you're getting into so you can plan accordingly.
--Don't freak out. It's just plain hard to stick to a healthy routine when you're away. And even though I know I can do it (and that you can too!), stuff happens. You get tired and can't bear to work out. You stumble on a gelato shop you just have to try (and must! because you're away and you deserve some fun!). You're stuck on the tarmac for three hours and manage to go through your entire snack stash (and thank God you had it, right?). One of the hardest things for FFGs and Future FFGs is to FORGIVE yourself when you slip up. It's that damn perfectionism, that all-or-nothing thinking that has us feeling like complete failures for one digression ... and that, I KNOW, was one of the reasons I never could seem to lose weight in the past. ("I gave in and ate BOTH the rolls the room service guy brought ... so I might as well hit the minibar for an all-out binge!"). Just remember, it's ONE DAY. ONE DAY in this journey, this long journey that has peaks and valleys that balance each other out. So you hit a valley? There's a peak just around the corner. Trust me.

OK, that's enough musing. I want to hear about your travels ... your secrets for staying healthy (and I could use some lessons in keeping your cool when you get bumped, if you have those too!).

Lisa D

Big Fat Bullies

2007-07-21T02:20:00.000-07:00

Hi, everyone--

I have been traveling much over the last couple of weeks--just got back from Los Angeles and Chicago, where I signed some books and met lots of great FFGs and Future FFGs! Welcome to all you newcomers!

I have a lot to catch you up on, but I've been thinking so much about a report that came out earlier this week on childhood obesity that I have to write about it. The newspaper pieces I read said that overweight kids as young as age 3 suffer discrimination and bullying, and that ADULTS are a major source of the abuse.

That is, of course, OUTRAGEOUS--but not surprising in the least. Many of us FFGs and Future FFGs who were chubby growing up suffered the occasional comment from a clueless adult. What strikes me about this report is that someone is finally exposing the issue so we can start figuring out why it is that adults somehow feel free to bully kids--not their own, necessarily, I might add--just because they don't fit that adult's vision of what a kid should look like.

I am struggling, even as I write this, to understand. I know someone who has a bit of this in her. I have heard her talk with distain about overweight kids, distain, I think, at their lack of self-control, at their parents' inability to assert control. For her, I think it's more about her fear of anyone who is DIFFERENT than anything else. She isn't exactly accepting of racial differences, of political differences, of any kind of variation from what she sees as the norm. She has a good heart in many ways--she would do anything for a friend--but sometimes, I admit, it's hard to BE her friend because of her intolerance.

So maybe it's the classic fear of our differences that plays a part in this horrible phenomenon. But I don't think that's the whole of it. I think these Big Fat Bullies see a bit of themselves in those chubby kids. Maybe THEY were overweight as children, and somehow feel as if, now that they've moved past that stage, they have the right to a little payback. Because they're higher on the food chain, they can turn around and stick it to someone who was once as powerless as they were. You see this all the time in the business world, on the playground, among siblings, even--the victims looking for someone to victimize, so maybe they can feel a little better about themselves.

Part of it could be, too, that these kids are seen as symbols of our own gluttony and excess, our own drive to consume, consume, consume. And I'm not just talking about food--things, money, cars, status. Maybe these kids are like a mirror that exposes us for what we really are, people living in a constant state of WANT. Not exactly how a good, faithful, upstanding citizen wants to think about herself, is it? So in lashing out at these kids, we're somehow lashing out at our own failings.

You know, I'm around a ton of kids everyday, as I drop off my son at daycare, or take him to the zoo, or shuttle him to birthday parties at the local kids' science museum (where we will be hanging out most of the morning today). And I see kids who are overweight, some of them obese. I live in a state--Alabama--that ranks near the worst in the country for obesity. When I look at these kids, I see ME. I see all those things I was struggling with at their age. And it is, literally, heartbreaking. You know, I wouldn't change anything about my childhood, because all of it--good and bad--added up to who I am now. But it's hard to see these kids and know what they're going through, what they will go through. I don't wish it on anyone. And it's completely reprehensible that adults, who are supposed to know better, are only making it worse.

These are all just theories, just musings (very philosophical ones at that--I promise I'll post something more fun in a couple of days!). And I obviously don't have it all figured out. I would love to hear from you--have you seen examples of this adult-on-kid bullying? Were you ever a victim of it? And why do you think it happens? Let's talk about it.

Lisa D

What You Girls Want

2007-07-08T13:18:00.000-07:00

Hi, everyone--

So it's been about a week since I vowed to STOP saying how tired and busy I am ... and I have to say, I've only slipped a few times. And I do feel pretty good ... a little more in control ... a little calmer about what's going on in my life right now. I have this way of giving into that overwhelming feeling that makes it a chore to do ANYTHING. But ever since I've said "no" to "tired" and "busy," I've started to feel like I have the energy to tackle some things on my list that I've been putting off. Which brings me to ...

This site. I've been thinking about making some changes to make the site more interactive, more useful and inspiring to you ... and I wanted to get your input. Here's a couple of things I've been thinking about:

A message board: I love the Guest Book ... probably because it's full of fabulous messages about how wonderful the book is (with the exception of a few). But ... I think we need a place where we can talk to each other more easily--where you guys can share, argue, advise, etc. so it's not always just ME. Obviously, this isn't revolutionary, but let me know what you think. I'm not sure if I would keep the guestbook or replace it with a message board ... I'll have to talk with my amazing web guy for advice about that.

Blogs: I'm thinking about giving you all opportunities on this site to blog too. So I would keep my "Secrets" blog and the Ask A Former Fat Girl area (If you want me to!), but would add a function that allows whoever wants to to create and keep a blog here. I love the idea of hearing other Former Fat Girls' journeys and learning from them.

Groups: OK, here's a big one. I want to know what you think about creating in-the-flesh Former Fat Girl groups. I would ask leaders to apply, post guidelines, offer some kind of perks to members, and make myself available monthly for chats or something ... this idea is still taking shape but I would love to hear if any of you would want to meet with a group of other Former Fat Girls and Future FFGs for support.

Jump-Start Weekends: I'm in the process of organizing at least one FFG Jump-Start Weekend at a spa (can't name names right now). The weekend would be full of fitness activities, healthy foods, discussion time, plenty of fun FFG activities, and (of course) spa treatments!

I would love to know what you think about these ideas ... and whether there are any other functions you would like to see on the site (or beyond!). Thanks for your input and your support. You know, you all keep telling me how I've inspired you, but your messages are inspiring me ... to keep living healthy, to keep believing, to keep ME on my own to-do list. I can't thank you all enough for being open to me and my message.

Lisa D

A New Mantra

2007-07-02T04:49:00.000-07:00

My last post, I went off on a little tangent about how I'm always saying, "I'm tired," and how I'm NOT going to say it any more. I've been thinking a lot about that this week (as a few "I'm tireds" have slipped out my mouth). You know, I write in my book about my inner whiner, the one who tries to talk me out of getting up for my morning runs ("But it's so earrrrly!"), the one that tries to sabotage my diet ("Can't I have just one more little piece . . . pleeeeze?"). Well, I'm realizing that I've been letting the whiner take over lately. "I'm tired . . . I'm busy . . ." over, and over, and over again.

I think part of it is because it's summer, and on some level I don't feel like I should be busy. I still expect things to slow down, to be easier (doesn't that song say "Summertime, and the livin' is easy"?). But things AREN'T slow, they're NOT easier . . . and they may not be anytime soon. Somehow, I've let my head slip into "what if" and "I wish" and all that . . . and forgotten to just be here now. To take what I have--this day, this life, this busy and tiring life--and make the best of it.

Now that I know this, I have to figure out what to do about it. I do think I was on to something when I vowed, last post, to STOP saying "I'm busy . . . I'm tired." Maybe I SHOULD be saying, "I JUST AM."

Words are powerful things to me. If you've read the book, you know about INO . . . you know about "Whatever it takes." I'm going to try out "I Just Am." I'll let you know how it goes.

Lisa D

It's More Than Just Lunch ...

2007-06-23T12:01:00.000-07:00

Hi, FFGs and Future FFGs!
Let's talk about lunch. Not what I HAD for lunch (although if you really want to know, I'll tell you ... since there's no secrets between us). No ... I have a lunch story from this week to share with you.

I have been insanely busy lately. (You know, I'm going to vow right now not to write or say that again ... I'm busy, you're busy, so what? I'm in a constant state of busy. I don't need to reiterate that! It makes me sound much more important than I really am.) OK, so Thursday, I got into work kind of late (8:45ish), because I worked late Wednesday trying to get some stories edited for our September issue. I had my To Do list running a loop through my head ... call this person, that person, get this file moved, get that one moved, prepare for this meeting, answer that email ... and that one ... and that one ... And then the phone rings, and it's one of the big execs in the company. He's in town from New York, and wants to have lunch. "Crap," I think.
"Sure!" I say.
"I have too much to do . . . and I wanted to sneak in a workout at lunch," I think.
"Where do you want to go, and what time?" I say.

And then he says, "How about barbecue?"

Pause.
"Crap," I think again.
"Sure!" I say again.

And then he says, "Are you sure? I heard you hesitate."

"Crap," I think again. "He heard me hesitate."
"Sure I'm sure," I say. "I'll meet you."

See, not only was lunch out not part of my plan that day, I'm not the biggest meat-eater. I'll eat poultry, but beef and pork and I don't get along very well. And I have been to some barbecue spots where beef, pork, and white bread are all they've got. But I managed to check my anxiety. You know, I've been doing this along time, this Former Fat Girl thing, and I'm pretty good at not freaking out when I'm going into unknown food situations. Usually, I figure, there will be SOMETHING there for me to eat that's not completely unhealthy. But this lunch date also took away the only time I had that day to exercise, and the combination, I think, got to me a bit.

The other thing is that I try to be very careful with people who don't know me well not to come off as some food freak. It's that whole keep-it-a-secret thing. Once somebody picks up on the fact that you're managing your weight, you open yourself up to a line of questioning you just don't want to get into. But if you DON'T explain yourself, you can create the impression that you're completely uptight, micromanaging, inflexible. And that's not good--especially when you're dining with the man who signs your paychecks.

So I tried to assume a whole air of nonchalance when I perused the menu. Ahhh, a grilled chicken sandwich! A smoked turkey plate! Salads--with no fried chicken or bacon strips on top! YAY! All was well. My dining companion insisted I try the baked beans--a spoonful of his--and despite the fact that they were LOADED with pork, I did. And they were good. But not good enough to get a cup for myself.

The whole thing ended up OK. But it's hard when you can't control your lunchtime menu. I have a good friend who has working lunches most days of the week--and from the way she describes the choices, the person or persons who arrange them isn't clued in to the whole healthy thing. It's always some array of casseroley things, or fried things, or whatever. So hard to manage--and when she does, either by ordering the healthiest thing on the menu (with "healthy" being relative), or by skipping over the fattiest offenders, the "pushers" around her aren't all that nice about it either.

They say peer pressure is tough for kids ... and I know from first-hand experience that it is. (Explains how someone like me ... a vehement opponent of smoking, a passionate proponent of all things healthy ... SMOKED for a brief period in junior high, a desperate effort to liberate myself from my status as a total nerd. Obviously, it didn't work!) We thought all that was over, didn't we? But it's alive and well ... in the workplace and out, especially surrounding food. It's hard when you're dealing with friends, definitely--I've written (see my post, A Good Divorce) about having to break up with friends over this, for God's sake. But at work ... there's the added layer of political pressure to do lunch, to conform. Your very success as an employee, your ability to move up, to get the choice assignments, to be viewed as a "team player," can hinge on your response to a lunch invite. And not only that ... what you order once you get there! It's completely ridiculous.

When I went back to work after having Johnny, I felt a ton of pressure to "do lunch" with my employees. But I was hell-bent on keeping up my exercise habit--without sacrificing time with my family. So I revolted. I set my boundaries, "owned" my lunch hour ... and did my business over coffee instead. I felt good about standing up for myself, but it wasn't easy ... I had to fight the idea that I was being a bitch, that I was being disloyal, that this unwillingness to play the game would show up on my "permanent record" at some point. I had to let go of all that and do what I needed to do for me ... to "choose me." I know some women, like my friend, have little choice. But I still believe there are lots of us who could stand up, take back our time, "do lunch" on our own terms.

I don't quite know what to do about this--except to hope that as more and more of us Former Fat Girls infiltrate the corner offices in corporate America, we begin to change the culture to one that's less food-focused, more flexible, more supportive of individual healthy choices.

That's my lunch story ... do you have one to share?

Lisa D

A Little Hard to Swallow

2007-06-15T17:53:00.000-07:00

A reporter from the New York Sun called me this week to get a comment about the new diet drug that went on the market a couple of days ago. If you haven't heard--impossible, unless you're on a total media fast--it's the first over-the-counter version of a prescription weight-loss pill. They're basically doing the same thing with this that they did with Claritin. Anyway, this reporter asked me what I thought. Now, I don't know much about drugs in general, except that I try to avoid taking them unless absolutely necessary. And I certainly don't know much about this particular one. But the little I do know is that like all legit weight loss drugs (and some illegit ones), the makers clearly state that you have to eat a "healthy" and exercise, or the thing won't work. And I also know that when you're forking over however much money it costs to get this drug, the last thing you want to hear is that you have to diet and exercise too. I mean, isn't that what you want the pill for--so you DON'T have to do the hard stuff? Not to mention the fact that telling someone they have to exercise and diet doesn't mean they're going to do it. At least when you're under a doctor's care, you might feel a little more motivated to actually make some lifestyle changes, even if it's just out of the fear of having to face him at your next appointment (you know how mortifying it is when you promise to lose, and you don't ...)

When getting a diet drug is as easy as slipping a pack of pills in your cart at Wal-Mart, though, there's none of that. No fear, no advice or guidance, no one to talk you through how to take it, or to impress upon you the seriousness of following those fine-print directions on the box. Sure, there's the pharmacist, who can be hugely helpful, if you haven't figured that out already (mine even helped me determine the right dose of Benedryl to calm my itchy, scratchy, allergic dog). And yes, there's a website--a very good website, in fact, with a club you can join, a plan you can follow, whatever.

But ...

I have to think that people will be snatching up this pill, hoping it will work magic without all that distasteful sweating and portion controlling. Because the fact is, that PERMANENT weight loss is hard. And the hard part isn't so much the physical strain of exercise or even resisting a bag of Peanut M&Ms (although that's .... damn hard). The hard part is change, pure and simple. We'd all like to think we could keep our lives like they are, but take a pill and be ... thinner, richer, happier, more successful. We'd like to think that we can have what we want without all the hard work. And when I say we, I mean me too. There are lots of things I want, and sometimes it takes a bonk on the head to realize that I'm sitting here, waiting for them to drop in my lap. And that's not going to happen unless I do the hard work.

Now, I'm not against diet pills. Or gastric bypass. But they aren't the ONLY answer. They only change what's going on in your body ... not what's in your head.

A couple of months ago, before my book came out, I had the opportunity to interview a guy who had had gastric bypass three years ago. He had lost an amazing amount of weight, and was being showered with compliments. But they made him uncomfortable--because he finally had realized that he hadn't done the hard work yet. You see, even though at first he had physical restrictions on what and how much he could eat, after a year-plus, he began being able to have his favorite burgers, fries, etc. He wasn't exercising, he wasn't eating right. But just before I met him, he hooked up with a trainer and started getting serious about his diet. We had a great conversation about our journeys--he was so candid, and so, I think, touched by the fact that I understood what he was going through.

He has a road ahead of him. We all do. But we have the tools (and we have each other!) to get through. Maybe that pill is one of them, I don't know. All I know is that a pill won't sustain you for the journey.

What do you guys think about this issue? Will you take the new diet drug? Feel free to disagree with me (God knows, I'm not always right!).

Lisa D

Inspiration Everywhere!

2007-06-12T01:56:00.000-07:00

So it's been more than a WEEK since I last posted! Please don't think I've forgotten you. Frankly, I have been completely busy and a bit stressed out ... I had a big thing going on at work and a business trip, and I let it all get to me. But I'm back ... and trying to regain my balance (so, what's new?).

A couple of weekends ago, I had the pleasure of experiencing something so amazingly rare in the lives of modern women .... more rare than getting an actual human being on the phone when calling the wireless phone company of your choice ... an evening in my own home, ALONE. My husband took Johnny for an overnight trip to the his parents' lakehouse, and there I was, alone.

For some reason, the most mundane activities become bliss when I'm able to do them by myself, on my own time, by my own plan. I spent my afternoon and evening alone cleaning out closets and toy boxes (not the easiest thing to do under the watchful eyes of a pack rat husband and a son who clings on to the most broken, pitiful piece of plastic the minute I try to put it in the "Donate" box). I picked up the dog from the vet, went for a leisurely grocery shop, returned Johnny's books and videos to the library. I did get a GREAT pedicure--a treat, to be sure, but also a necessity if I have any notion of exposing my feet in sandals.

While I was at the library, I wandered (I was wandering! When do I EVER have time to wander!) into the movie aisle. There, I saw the DVD of Bend it Like Beckham. Now, I had checked out that movie at LEAST six times without watching it. I have a habit of that ... thinking, naively, that I WILL find a relatively empty space in my calendar to watch some great film that doesn't involve animated characters or beasts of the wild.

But this time, home alone, I finally watched this movie that's now probably 10 years old. And I LOVED it. It's one of those kind of stories that I like--a combination of the underdog, overcoming the odds, standing up for herself, winning, in the end. I guess I like those movies because I feel like, in some small way, they are MY story. Not that I have faced incredible odds and challenges. The daily adventure of carving out a healthy life, of trying to maintain that balance, may not be the stuff of movies, but it's no less important.

Bend it Like Beckham is now on my list of those feel-good, comeback-kid movies that manage to stick with me and give me a lift when I'm feeling a bit beaten down. It's a British film that follows a young Indian girl who has a major talent for soccer, much to her very traditional parents' dismay. I won't ruin it for you, but the ending is the kind of ending we all want in our lives.

Others on my list: Invinceable (the true story of a 30-something bartender who tries out for the Philadelphia Eagles professional football team--and makes it), Chariots of Fire (the story of an Olympic running team way back in the 30s or 40s, I think), Seabiscuit (OK, it's about a horse, but very inspiring!) ... and more than I can list here. My favorite all-time movie, though, is Billy Elliot, another British film about a little boy who stinks at soccer but finds his calling in a ballet class. There's something about the idea of choosing a course and pursuing it, despite all the obstacles in your way, that really speaks to me.

So, if you need a little boost, try sneaking off and renting one of these flicks. They all have some kind of sports theme (which I'm a sucker for, obviously, but may not be your thing). Tell me what your favorite against-all-odds movies are ... so next time I find myself home alone, I'll know what to do with my time.

Take care--

Lisa D