I Give UP!
I know lots of you have come to expect messages of hope, inspiration, motivation from this FFG. But today, I may not deliver. See ... I've got a confession to make (tis the season for fessing up for Catholic girls like me).
I quit.
The other day, I went to a Pilates class. Now, I have done Pilates before, and, while I don't buy the idea that there is one perfect workout out there that will transform our bodies ... Pilates comes pretty close. The couple of times that I have done it with any consistency, I can see and feel the changes in my body so fast ... it's amazing. Talk about your total-body toning. And those of you who have back problems should check it out (after talking to your doc).
I'm not saying Pilates is easy. Just the opposite. (In fact, what makes it less than perfect is that it's so damn hard!) I have seen it bring big, strapping football player-types to tears (on second thought, maybe that was sweat).
So, I go to this class, despite the fact that I was EXHAUSTED. Not merely tired, which is my usual state, but an empty shell. A deflated balloon. As listless as the most overcooked strand of spaghetti you have ever stomached. (I think you get the picture.) So what do I do? I go anyway. It's rare that I have the TIME to go, but I was off that day, so I thought, to h*** with what my body's saying ... I'm going anyway.
And it was a disaster.
I felt like crap the whole time. I struggled to do even the most simple pose. I could feel my back cramping, my neck aching, and finally, I just quit. I walked out.
But I didn't WIMP out. I did what my body was screaming for me to do ... give it a rest.
One of my issues as a Former Fat Girl is knowing what I NEED at any given time. It was a problem back when I was heavy, when it was more important to take care of everyone else's needs before my own, and it is a problem now. The challenge now is that it takes different forms. Back then, I NEEDED to get off my butt and get to Pilates, to drown out that whiner in my head who wanted me to quit, to use INO (It's Not an Option) to keep me true to my workouts, true to myself. But it is a BALANCE. Sometimes that little voice inside your head isn't the whiner, it's the voice of reason. It's the voice telling you that the healthiest thing to do for yourself is to take a freakin' nap.
How do you know what path to follow? How do you know when you need to push yourself, or ease off?
I have no easy answer. All I can say is that I KNOW. I know what I need, deep inside, even though sometimes I have to dig for it. Even though sometimes I mistake the whiner for the voice of reason ... and vice versa. Part of the trick is to find that quiet place in your head, away from the "noise" of life and all its demands and preconceptions of who you are, where you are comfortable with your most secret thoughts and desires. And then to use that place as your base of operations, the place where you make all your decisions, big and small. I try to get to that place as much as possible ... even envision what it would look like, and see myself sitting there. (Mine looks a little like a room I was lucky enough to stay in at the Mandarin Oriental in New York ...!)
And the other thing is, when you get it wrong, to forgive yourself and move on. I have gotten much better at this over the years (it must be all the practice I've had!), but still, it is work for this recovering perfectionist.
Like I said at the beginning--maybe this isn't the most inspirational message this FFG has to pass on. But it is honest. And I think it's important for you all to know that there isn't some switch I have flipped in my head that makes balance a no-brainer. It is an ongoing conversation, a daily, hourly, minute-by-minute process. Part of getting to that FFG place is recognizing this, accepting it, and embracing it.
Stay strong in your journey!
Lisa D
I quit.
The other day, I went to a Pilates class. Now, I have done Pilates before, and, while I don't buy the idea that there is one perfect workout out there that will transform our bodies ... Pilates comes pretty close. The couple of times that I have done it with any consistency, I can see and feel the changes in my body so fast ... it's amazing. Talk about your total-body toning. And those of you who have back problems should check it out (after talking to your doc).
I'm not saying Pilates is easy. Just the opposite. (In fact, what makes it less than perfect is that it's so damn hard!) I have seen it bring big, strapping football player-types to tears (on second thought, maybe that was sweat).
So, I go to this class, despite the fact that I was EXHAUSTED. Not merely tired, which is my usual state, but an empty shell. A deflated balloon. As listless as the most overcooked strand of spaghetti you have ever stomached. (I think you get the picture.) So what do I do? I go anyway. It's rare that I have the TIME to go, but I was off that day, so I thought, to h*** with what my body's saying ... I'm going anyway.
And it was a disaster.
I felt like crap the whole time. I struggled to do even the most simple pose. I could feel my back cramping, my neck aching, and finally, I just quit. I walked out.
But I didn't WIMP out. I did what my body was screaming for me to do ... give it a rest.
One of my issues as a Former Fat Girl is knowing what I NEED at any given time. It was a problem back when I was heavy, when it was more important to take care of everyone else's needs before my own, and it is a problem now. The challenge now is that it takes different forms. Back then, I NEEDED to get off my butt and get to Pilates, to drown out that whiner in my head who wanted me to quit, to use INO (It's Not an Option) to keep me true to my workouts, true to myself. But it is a BALANCE. Sometimes that little voice inside your head isn't the whiner, it's the voice of reason. It's the voice telling you that the healthiest thing to do for yourself is to take a freakin' nap.
How do you know what path to follow? How do you know when you need to push yourself, or ease off?
I have no easy answer. All I can say is that I KNOW. I know what I need, deep inside, even though sometimes I have to dig for it. Even though sometimes I mistake the whiner for the voice of reason ... and vice versa. Part of the trick is to find that quiet place in your head, away from the "noise" of life and all its demands and preconceptions of who you are, where you are comfortable with your most secret thoughts and desires. And then to use that place as your base of operations, the place where you make all your decisions, big and small. I try to get to that place as much as possible ... even envision what it would look like, and see myself sitting there. (Mine looks a little like a room I was lucky enough to stay in at the Mandarin Oriental in New York ...!)
And the other thing is, when you get it wrong, to forgive yourself and move on. I have gotten much better at this over the years (it must be all the practice I've had!), but still, it is work for this recovering perfectionist.
Like I said at the beginning--maybe this isn't the most inspirational message this FFG has to pass on. But it is honest. And I think it's important for you all to know that there isn't some switch I have flipped in my head that makes balance a no-brainer. It is an ongoing conversation, a daily, hourly, minute-by-minute process. Part of getting to that FFG place is recognizing this, accepting it, and embracing it.
Stay strong in your journey!
Lisa D
posted by Lisa Delaney at
9:04 AM
8 Comments
