Don't Believe Everything You Read (except this!)

"Dieting Usually Fails in the Long Run." So read the headlines this week about another study (this one out of UCLA) that showed how difficult it is to lose weight for good.

As a Former Fat Girl, I can relate: It IS difficult. I tried everything, for YEARS, to lose the jiggle in my thighs, to set myself free of those elastic-waist pants. But I DID IT.

My fear is that you Future Former Fat Girls read these headlines and think the whole "diets don't work" thing means you can't lose weight, change your life, become the person you really want to be.

I know the REAL story: YOU CAN.

These studies look at people who adopt a particular way of eating--high protein/low carb; low-fat, high fiber; just plain low everything. Usually they are supervised and supported, at least for the beginning. And once that accountability and support go away, and they have to live in the real world, the pounds pile on again.

Why? Because the typical diet plan might give you lists of "good" and "bad" foods, might even provide the perfect workout plan. But it doesn't help you change your head, which is where the real key to long-lasting weight loss lies.

Changing the way you think of yourself--letting go of that "fat girl" image you have become so accustomed to--is MORE important, I would say, than maintaining the perfect balance between protein, carbs, and fat. You have to begin to believe that you are the type of person who could be successful, who DESERVES to be successful. Only then will you become a Former Fat Girl.

We talk a lot about the obesity crisis. I think we have an underlying crisis of confidence that keeps women in particular from reaching their healthy weight goals. That's why I wrote my book--to share how I found my way to success, and to help you find that positive place where you start believing you can.

If nothing else, know that I believe in you!

Lisa D

Food and Forgiveness

I'm sitting here on a Sunday morning--my favorite morning of the week, because it's the one day I don't have to get up and be anywhere at the crack of dawn. I feel like I'm constantly running, either literally (you know, in the exercise way), or figuratively--getting things done here at home and at work. Sunday is my day for slowing down. It's not like I do NOTHING--I've still got the dog to walk, the laundry to do, meals and beds to make. But I do it more at a pace I would prefer, leisurely, a bit lazily, less about putting my head down and powering through my day and maybe more mindfully.

My son Johnny is in the next room, eating breakfast with my Mom, who came in from Houston for my book party/signing Friday night. He's having eggs and grits and toast with fig preserves (something my mother in law makes from the fresh figs her neighbor shares with her). Johnny has a great interest in food--in all different kinds of food. Before I became a mom, I thought a lot about the challenge of raising a child with a healthy attitude toward food. I think it's really difficult, especially if you're someone like me, who has had issues in the past and is still careful and conscious about what I eat. I was lucky enough to get some great advice from my pediatrician, who told me to think about Johnny's palate like an empty slate--not to make assumptions about what he would or should like, but to introduce him to all kinds of flavors and textures. I also have included him in the making of meals from a very early age. When he was 2, he already had a whisk of his own, and would help me make pancakes and oatmeal--and, of course, cakes and cookies on birthdays and holidays. Now (I'm embarrassed to admit) he knows who Mario Batali is, and Emeril, and Giada, and Robin Miller (of Food Network's Quick Fix Meals, and a friend from way back).

I try really hard not to demonize foods--to say bacon is "bad" for him, or Cocoa Puffs, or Yoo Hoo. Instead, we call those things "treats," and he knows what that means--too many treats aren't healthy for him. I am lucky that he has an appetite, I know--that he likes grilled salmon and salad and broccoli and green beans and oatmeal, as well as ice cream and apple pie (together, preferably). It's hard to tell whether his health- and weight-conscious mom has had any positive effect on his palate . . . I guess time will tell. As a mom, sometimes you wish you had a crystal ball to look into, so you know that what you're doing now is going to have the right kind of impact. If only!

I know not all of you out there are moms. But I think you can relate to the idea that I can only do what I know is my best, right now, and try to forgive myself if I somehow screw up. That's true no matter what issue I'm dealing with ... at work, at home, with my spouse, with my parents, with my friends--with my diet, with my exercise. With everything.

And with that, I will go and check on Johnny's progress with breakfast, and get on with my slow, leisurely (sort of) Sunday.

Lisa D

I had too much to think tonight

So it's 2:41 a.m. and I'm wide awake (sort of), running through my mental list of stuff I have to do tomorrow, and the next day, and the next. I'm one of those people who has no problem GOING to sleep--STAYING that way is another matter. A trip to the bathroom, some particularly enthusiastic snoring from my husband, a fit of barking from our dog, Pepper, who I think has nightmares about the boogie man--if something interrupts my sleep, there's no going back.

Tonight (like many nights) it was Johnny, my five-year-old, crawling in between my husband and I at about 1:30ish. It's sweet of him, really, to want to sleep with Mommy and Daddy, but I have to say, he's the WORST bed buddy ever. All arms and legs, all over me, all over Rick, impossible to escape. And then there's my head, crammed with all kinds of "gottas" and "shoulds." Gotta clean the house, go grocery shopping, meet my friends for a run, get my hair cut, do something about my disgusting toenails, figure out if I can squeeze in a business trip to LA to help a friend with a project in the next three weeks (impossible?), deposit checks in the bank, do my expense reports, write that v. important memo I was supposed to finish last week ... The list goes on.

When I get like this, the only thing to do is get up and read (or write) for a while. It's dark, quiet, and I'm alone ... one of the rare times when that actually happens EVER in my own house. I secretly like this time, and I've talked to other women who do too--mostly moms who don't have enough room in their lives for themselves. There's a little subculture of women who get our Me Time in the wee hours, which I guess is better than not getting any at all. But the problem is, you end up sleep deprived and have to deal with the fallout--bags under the eyes, persistent crankiness, loss of memory, difficulty operating heavy machinery (even the cellphone gets to be a challenge for me when I'm operating on less than 5 hours of snooze time).

Maybe the solution is to look at that endless Gotta List and figure out what I can let go of ... or get someone else to do. Can't exactly ask someone else to sweat for me (but wouldn't THAT be nice?), but I COULD get Rick to pick up the groceries, wash my car, maybe even (dare I say?) clean the bathroom!

That's the hard part, isn't it? Asking for help. Actually believing that ANYONE could do whatever's on that list as well as you--and letting them do it their own way (which, though you might not want to admit it, is probably just as good as YOUR way).

I believe this is a constant battle for wannabe Former Fat Girls ... the tendency to put yourself last on your to-do list, to want to have your hand in everything (because you secretly believe that you're the only one who can do it RIGHT), to be too proud, or too stubborn, or too perfectionistic to ask anyone for help. This stuff keeps you from living your life the way you want, from losing the weight for good (because that's ALL ABOUT YOU), from learning how to value yourself for who you are, not what you do. I still deal with this desire for perfection, the need to please, the self-sacrificing behavior EVERY DAY. I try to remember that I have a choice, and that it's OK to say no to others and yes to me once in a while.

And with that, I think I'll say "yes" to sleep. Wish me luck.

Lisa D

You Know What They Say About Bunnies ...

Ironic that my very first Former Fat Girl blog post is on the day after Easter. Right now, there are not three but four goodie-loaded Easter baskets at my house--that's one for me, one for my husband, and TWO for my five year old son, Johnny. Why two? Well, what's Easter without an egg hunt--better yet, several--right? We went to one LAST Saturday, and one the day before Easter. And Johnny will probably have ANOTHER one at preschool today. Oh, and I forgot to mention the goodie bag my husband's grandmother gave Johnny when we visited her at the nursing home yesterday. I could have done without the extra chocolate bunnies. You know, bunnies (the furry kind) have a reputation for being very talented at procreating. Maybe the edible version is just as prolific? At least that's how it seems in my house.

So I'm trying to cope with the high-caloric remnants of the holiday, and I'm sure I'm not the only one. I have a couple of confessions (because I'm the kind of girl who believes in getting it ALL out there!), and a list of secrets that will help.

First, confession time: I overdid it not on Easter itself, but the day before, when I was playing bunny and putting my son's basket together. Even Former Fat Girls like me have a hard time resisting a good licorice jelly bean (or two, or five!) when it's staring us in the face! That same day, I baked our traditional bunny cake. You might remember this one from your youth: two round cake layers, one cut to make two ears and a bow, then frosted and covered with coconut and various other sugary treats to create the perfect bunny face. So there was cake batter, which didn't tempt me at all (but that would have been a different story if it was chocolate!) and homemade icing (now THAT'S my weakness). A finger full here and there . . . plus a couple of jelly beans (aka polka dots for the tie), and I was heading for a sugar coma.

But the deal was that I knew I had to have a day like that over the course of the holiday--so why not get it out of my system? The good thing about that was I could barely look at my favorite Robin's eggs yesterday morning (the malted milk kind with the thin crunchy shell). And that's a great transition to my tips for coping with Holiday Hangover madness!

• Give yourself a day to indulge. You want to enjoy the holiday like everyone else--and you deserve to! So make it a part of your plan. Plan a day where you allow yourself to eat the stuff that you love (not just any old sweet). Or you could pick a meal (like a dinner out for your anniversary), where you let yourself go. If you don't allow yourself to indulge, chances are you'll crack and go crazy--and end up eating MORE than you would have if you'd given yourself permission to dip into the Peeps in the first place.

• Remember: Make your calories count. Think about the stuff you really love. It could be your grandmother's apple pie (or Mrs. Smith's--you don't have to be a food snob about it as long as it'a something you really enjoy). For instance, I can leave the Peeps, no thank you. Dark chocolate bunnies are more my speed. I even prioritize my jelly beans: licorice is number 1, lemon number 2--someone else can have the white, pink, purple, green ones!

• Turn off your tastebuds. If you're like me, once you get a taste of something sugary, it's hard NOT to go for more. Try brushing your teeth (and think about how gross it would taste to pop an orange Starburst in your freshly brushed, minty mouth). Or pop a stick of sugar-free gum in your mouth, or open a diet soft drink (they taste HORRIBLE with most candies). Or consider my new favorite strategy--slipping on a tooth-whitening strip (like Crest Whitestrips). They stay on for half an hour--by that time, you (hopefully) will have moved out of the kitchen and on to something else that doesn't involve food.
  

• Share the love. Today, I dropped of the remaining bunny cake at Johnny's preschool for his class and teachers to enjoy. Eventually, the half-used bags of Robin's eggs and jelly beans will make their way to the office, as well. I feel somewhat conflicted about forcing my co-workers into tempting situations by plying them with treats, but you gotta do what you gotta do.

• Trash 'em. I also feel a little guilty about this one. But if you get desperate, throw the stuff away. Make sure you render it completely inedible, so you don't feel the urge to dig it out of the trash (as I was known to do back in my pre-Former Fat Girl days). Douse it with water, smash it together with last night's pot roast. Whatever it takes!

But most importantly--remember that today is another day. No matter how well (or not) you did sticking to your plan for the holiday, there is always a chance to make a fresh start. Don't let one little slip up keep you from making the changes you want to make in your life.

Keep believing in you!

Lisa D
AKA Former Fat Girl