Big Fat Bullies
Hi, everyone--
I have been traveling much over the last couple of weeks--just got back from Los Angeles and Chicago, where I signed some books and met lots of great FFGs and Future FFGs! Welcome to all you newcomers!
I have a lot to catch you up on, but I've been thinking so much about a report that came out earlier this week on childhood obesity that I have to write about it. The newspaper pieces I read said that overweight kids as young as age 3 suffer discrimination and bullying, and that ADULTS are a major source of the abuse.
That is, of course, OUTRAGEOUS--but not surprising in the least. Many of us FFGs and Future FFGs who were chubby growing up suffered the occasional comment from a clueless adult. What strikes me about this report is that someone is finally exposing the issue so we can start figuring out why it is that adults somehow feel free to bully kids--not their own, necessarily, I might add--just because they don't fit that adult's vision of what a kid should look like.
I am struggling, even as I write this, to understand. I know someone who has a bit of this in her. I have heard her talk with distain about overweight kids, distain, I think, at their lack of self-control, at their parents' inability to assert control. For her, I think it's more about her fear of anyone who is DIFFERENT than anything else. She isn't exactly accepting of racial differences, of political differences, of any kind of variation from what she sees as the norm. She has a good heart in many ways--she would do anything for a friend--but sometimes, I admit, it's hard to BE her friend because of her intolerance.
So maybe it's the classic fear of our differences that plays a part in this horrible phenomenon. But I don't think that's the whole of it. I think these Big Fat Bullies see a bit of themselves in those chubby kids. Maybe THEY were overweight as children, and somehow feel as if, now that they've moved past that stage, they have the right to a little payback. Because they're higher on the food chain, they can turn around and stick it to someone who was once as powerless as they were. You see this all the time in the business world, on the playground, among siblings, even--the victims looking for someone to victimize, so maybe they can feel a little better about themselves.
Part of it could be, too, that these kids are seen as symbols of our own gluttony and excess, our own drive to consume, consume, consume. And I'm not just talking about food--things, money, cars, status. Maybe these kids are like a mirror that exposes us for what we really are, people living in a constant state of WANT. Not exactly how a good, faithful, upstanding citizen wants to think about herself, is it? So in lashing out at these kids, we're somehow lashing out at our own failings.
You know, I'm around a ton of kids everyday, as I drop off my son at daycare, or take him to the zoo, or shuttle him to birthday parties at the local kids' science museum (where we will be hanging out most of the morning today). And I see kids who are overweight, some of them obese. I live in a state--Alabama--that ranks near the worst in the country for obesity. When I look at these kids, I see ME. I see all those things I was struggling with at their age. And it is, literally, heartbreaking. You know, I wouldn't change anything about my childhood, because all of it--good and bad--added up to who I am now. But it's hard to see these kids and know what they're going through, what they will go through. I don't wish it on anyone. And it's completely reprehensible that adults, who are supposed to know better, are only making it worse.
These are all just theories, just musings (very philosophical ones at that--I promise I'll post something more fun in a couple of days!). And I obviously don't have it all figured out. I would love to hear from you--have you seen examples of this adult-on-kid bullying? Were you ever a victim of it? And why do you think it happens? Let's talk about it.
Lisa D
I have been traveling much over the last couple of weeks--just got back from Los Angeles and Chicago, where I signed some books and met lots of great FFGs and Future FFGs! Welcome to all you newcomers!
I have a lot to catch you up on, but I've been thinking so much about a report that came out earlier this week on childhood obesity that I have to write about it. The newspaper pieces I read said that overweight kids as young as age 3 suffer discrimination and bullying, and that ADULTS are a major source of the abuse.
That is, of course, OUTRAGEOUS--but not surprising in the least. Many of us FFGs and Future FFGs who were chubby growing up suffered the occasional comment from a clueless adult. What strikes me about this report is that someone is finally exposing the issue so we can start figuring out why it is that adults somehow feel free to bully kids--not their own, necessarily, I might add--just because they don't fit that adult's vision of what a kid should look like.
I am struggling, even as I write this, to understand. I know someone who has a bit of this in her. I have heard her talk with distain about overweight kids, distain, I think, at their lack of self-control, at their parents' inability to assert control. For her, I think it's more about her fear of anyone who is DIFFERENT than anything else. She isn't exactly accepting of racial differences, of political differences, of any kind of variation from what she sees as the norm. She has a good heart in many ways--she would do anything for a friend--but sometimes, I admit, it's hard to BE her friend because of her intolerance.
So maybe it's the classic fear of our differences that plays a part in this horrible phenomenon. But I don't think that's the whole of it. I think these Big Fat Bullies see a bit of themselves in those chubby kids. Maybe THEY were overweight as children, and somehow feel as if, now that they've moved past that stage, they have the right to a little payback. Because they're higher on the food chain, they can turn around and stick it to someone who was once as powerless as they were. You see this all the time in the business world, on the playground, among siblings, even--the victims looking for someone to victimize, so maybe they can feel a little better about themselves.
Part of it could be, too, that these kids are seen as symbols of our own gluttony and excess, our own drive to consume, consume, consume. And I'm not just talking about food--things, money, cars, status. Maybe these kids are like a mirror that exposes us for what we really are, people living in a constant state of WANT. Not exactly how a good, faithful, upstanding citizen wants to think about herself, is it? So in lashing out at these kids, we're somehow lashing out at our own failings.
You know, I'm around a ton of kids everyday, as I drop off my son at daycare, or take him to the zoo, or shuttle him to birthday parties at the local kids' science museum (where we will be hanging out most of the morning today). And I see kids who are overweight, some of them obese. I live in a state--Alabama--that ranks near the worst in the country for obesity. When I look at these kids, I see ME. I see all those things I was struggling with at their age. And it is, literally, heartbreaking. You know, I wouldn't change anything about my childhood, because all of it--good and bad--added up to who I am now. But it's hard to see these kids and know what they're going through, what they will go through. I don't wish it on anyone. And it's completely reprehensible that adults, who are supposed to know better, are only making it worse.
These are all just theories, just musings (very philosophical ones at that--I promise I'll post something more fun in a couple of days!). And I obviously don't have it all figured out. I would love to hear from you--have you seen examples of this adult-on-kid bullying? Were you ever a victim of it? And why do you think it happens? Let's talk about it.
Lisa D
7 Comments:
I think you should seriously consider confronting your friend's bigotry. I know that I could not remain the friend of someone who thought fat children were disgusting, anymore than I could remain the friend of someone who thought people who are not white are disgusting.
I never ever want my son to feel he is "bad" because he might be fat later on. I want him to have healthy eating habits and an active lifestyle, but I just hope it's never an issue. He's 19 months old, BTW.
Darwin--
Thanks for your comment. I have confronted her when she's said things in front of me that I felt crossed a line--on this subject and others. And she always seems to understand my point of view. But deep down inside, I know it hasn't changed her. I guess I wonder whether it's better for me to continue to be a presence in her life so that I can help her see the other side, or to cut myself off from her completely. For now, I've chosen the former ... but I continue to think about it.
thanks for writing (and reading!)
Lisa D
I can't think of an example of such bullying, but I know I've seen fat children and, I'm ashamed to admit, have thought, "How sad--what a bad parent that kid has." Even though I was a chubby kid, too, and I grew up in a healthy household of thin people! Maybe these bullies see themselves as moral crusaders, the same way some religious folk are willing to brow-beat others in the name of saving their souls. As someone who has struggled a long time with weight and even now am still a good five pounds above my healthy target, I am told weekly that I'm tiny and should eat, eat, eat and gain some! I see how society's collective image of what is a "normal" weight continues to get bigger... and bigger. Maybe the bullying is out of fear, but not a fear of the "different"--maybe it's a fear that if no one says anything, fat children will come to be viewed as "normal" and "acceptable," and people will stop trying to change the trend towards obesity in our children.
I just found out about you book. I am ordering it now. I really hope it helps me.
Thanks for your encouragement....I am putting you on my blog, if you don't mind.
As a FFG, I am borderline-obsessed about my kids' eating habits just because don't want them to have to feel as I felt when I was a fat child. I will never forget that at my first concert (Van Halen when I was 12) the dad who was chaperoning us wouln't let me have a turn on his shoulders because I was "too big." And my grandparents spent my whole childhood telling me what a bad person I was for being overweight, and then when I conquered the beast as an adult, my grandfather said "I thought you'd never be able to lose weight." Yes, adults are mean to obese kids, and it can leave deep scars.
Hi Lisa,
This is interesting! My story is same old same old. I have been over weight all my life and 8 months ago I decided I had enough. I have dropped 25 pounds and have managed to move from the obsese to overweight category.
Anyways, last year when I was nearing 190 pounds at 5 feet 2 inches, my friends mom came to visit our city where we go to school in the US from India. Now my friend is this really preety, moronic, not excessively over weight girl. We all went to get some ice cream and my friends mom commented on people behind the counter at the ice cream palour and how, forgive me for using the term, FAT they are ;). And she found it hilarious for some reason to imagine me back there and how much fatter I would become if I worked there. We were with some other friends of ours and I was horrified! I am no longer a kid! I was 26 at the time. Though she was my moms age and in theory I wanted to respect her I wanted to kick her *&%$@$* ass! Looking back though for some reason I find the incident hilarious! Anyways, I hope I am NEVER like that to any kid/adult knowlingly or unknowlingly.
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