It's More Than Just Lunch ...

Hi, FFGs and Future FFGs!
Let's talk about lunch. Not what I HAD for lunch (although if you really want to know, I'll tell you ... since there's no secrets between us). No ... I have a lunch story from this week to share with you.

I have been insanely busy lately. (You know, I'm going to vow right now not to write or say that again ... I'm busy, you're busy, so what? I'm in a constant state of busy. I don't need to reiterate that! It makes me sound much more important than I really am.) OK, so Thursday, I got into work kind of late (8:45ish), because I worked late Wednesday trying to get some stories edited for our September issue. I had my To Do list running a loop through my head ... call this person, that person, get this file moved, get that one moved, prepare for this meeting, answer that email ... and that one ... and that one ... And then the phone rings, and it's one of the big execs in the company. He's in town from New York, and wants to have lunch. "Crap," I think.
"Sure!" I say.
"I have too much to do . . . and I wanted to sneak in a workout at lunch," I think.
"Where do you want to go, and what time?" I say.

And then he says, "How about barbecue?"

Pause.
"Crap," I think again.
"Sure!" I say again.

And then he says, "Are you sure? I heard you hesitate."

"Crap," I think again. "He heard me hesitate."
"Sure I'm sure," I say. "I'll meet you."

See, not only was lunch out not part of my plan that day, I'm not the biggest meat-eater. I'll eat poultry, but beef and pork and I don't get along very well. And I have been to some barbecue spots where beef, pork, and white bread are all they've got. But I managed to check my anxiety. You know, I've been doing this along time, this Former Fat Girl thing, and I'm pretty good at not freaking out when I'm going into unknown food situations. Usually, I figure, there will be SOMETHING there for me to eat that's not completely unhealthy. But this lunch date also took away the only time I had that day to exercise, and the combination, I think, got to me a bit.

The other thing is that I try to be very careful with people who don't know me well not to come off as some food freak. It's that whole keep-it-a-secret thing. Once somebody picks up on the fact that you're managing your weight, you open yourself up to a line of questioning you just don't want to get into. But if you DON'T explain yourself, you can create the impression that you're completely uptight, micromanaging, inflexible. And that's not good--especially when you're dining with the man who signs your paychecks.

So I tried to assume a whole air of nonchalance when I perused the menu. Ahhh, a grilled chicken sandwich! A smoked turkey plate! Salads--with no fried chicken or bacon strips on top! YAY! All was well. My dining companion insisted I try the baked beans--a spoonful of his--and despite the fact that they were LOADED with pork, I did. And they were good. But not good enough to get a cup for myself.

The whole thing ended up OK. But it's hard when you can't control your lunchtime menu. I have a good friend who has working lunches most days of the week--and from the way she describes the choices, the person or persons who arrange them isn't clued in to the whole healthy thing. It's always some array of casseroley things, or fried things, or whatever. So hard to manage--and when she does, either by ordering the healthiest thing on the menu (with "healthy" being relative), or by skipping over the fattiest offenders, the "pushers" around her aren't all that nice about it either.

They say peer pressure is tough for kids ... and I know from first-hand experience that it is. (Explains how someone like me ... a vehement opponent of smoking, a passionate proponent of all things healthy ... SMOKED for a brief period in junior high, a desperate effort to liberate myself from my status as a total nerd. Obviously, it didn't work!) We thought all that was over, didn't we? But it's alive and well ... in the workplace and out, especially surrounding food. It's hard when you're dealing with friends, definitely--I've written (see my post, A Good Divorce) about having to break up with friends over this, for God's sake. But at work ... there's the added layer of political pressure to do lunch, to conform. Your very success as an employee, your ability to move up, to get the choice assignments, to be viewed as a "team player," can hinge on your response to a lunch invite. And not only that ... what you order once you get there! It's completely ridiculous.

When I went back to work after having Johnny, I felt a ton of pressure to "do lunch" with my employees. But I was hell-bent on keeping up my exercise habit--without sacrificing time with my family. So I revolted. I set my boundaries, "owned" my lunch hour ... and did my business over coffee instead. I felt good about standing up for myself, but it wasn't easy ... I had to fight the idea that I was being a bitch, that I was being disloyal, that this unwillingness to play the game would show up on my "permanent record" at some point. I had to let go of all that and do what I needed to do for me ... to "choose me." I know some women, like my friend, have little choice. But I still believe there are lots of us who could stand up, take back our time, "do lunch" on our own terms.

I don't quite know what to do about this--except to hope that as more and more of us Former Fat Girls infiltrate the corner offices in corporate America, we begin to change the culture to one that's less food-focused, more flexible, more supportive of individual healthy choices.

That's my lunch story ... do you have one to share?

Lisa D