Wish You Were Here

Hi, everyone!

I am writing from deep in the heart of I Don't Know, on the precipice of The Scary Thing, somewhere east-northeast of Reinvention. It isn't my first time here, but it's been a while.

It's also been a while since I have written. You know, it's hard for me to admit this ... as much as I preach against perfection and for reality, I still tend to hide when I'm out of sorts ... or sorting out. It's like I know that I Don't Know is where I need to be ... I am just still afraid of not seeming so damn SURE of myself all of the time. Even to you, my FFG friends.

Anyway, I want to tell you first that reading the guest book brings tears to my eyes. It astonishes me every day that more and more women are claiming what is rightly theirs ... their health, their time, their bodies, their power and confidence ... and that I might have something to do with it. Little ordinary me. It shows me every day that massive change is possible, even on a grand scale, if we just take some chances. Because (like I said in the book)--if I can do it, anyone can.

I am rambling a bit (so what's new?), but I just can't tell you how much your posts mean to me ... that I am somehow making a difference. I am hearing your stories of real change, and am so grateful for them.

Back to the point already!

So ... the actual, physical locale I'm writing from is Nashville Tennessee, soon to be my new home. I am moving here to be editor of a new magazine called Spry ... that's launching in September.

Spry is a monthly magazine distributed in newspapers to 9 million people! That's the same number of copies of Elvis's Christmas Album ever sold, and tops Michael Jackson's Bad by a rather embarrassing million!

So what the heck is Spry about? Living every day better than the last. Seeing life ... and age ... as an opportunity, an adventure (not as an endurance race). It's about the glass-half-full, the new door opening, the next phase of our lives where we have the confidence, the power and the wherewithal to explore new things, to reach new goals ... to live the life we have always wanted.

Yes, it's about health and wellness and fitness and nutrition and all that, mostly for women ages 35-64 (but hey, I know you youngsters and "maturesters" will love it too!). But it's also about inspiration ... being inspired to take healthier actions in your life, and reading inspiring stories about women who are achieving, bouncing back, taking risks ... and helping others to do so.

For me, it's a chance to create my own thing from scratch and to reach a bigger platform than I ever have before. I am so excited about it ... but it is a huge risk and responsibility. Selling a house (have you HEARD about the current real estate market?). Starting a magazine. Moving a family (son, husband, dog). Moving away from family (my inlaws). No one ever said I had perfect timing.

But this IS the year of I Don't Know, right? I am trying to remember that, as wonder where we will be for the summer ... when Johnny is out of school ...

Anyway, I wanted to let you all know about my new thing. I promise I won't abandon you ... and I'm hoping I'm more connected than I have been over the last several months.

Also, I am looking for stories about women who are what you think of as Spry: someone who has reached a life goal (like ... losing weight? hint, hint), someone who has conquered a health issue, or started a charity, or just looks damn great for her age (and makes us all wonder how she does it!). Tell me about all the Spry women in your life (or maybe it's you!)!

Love you, all of you wonderful friends--

Lisa D

The Scary Thing!

Hi, FFGs and Future FFGs--

I have been neglecting you. You know, I think as much as I vow to blog shorter and more often, this is what it is and I am what I am: not a short/sweet/frequent blogger. Believe me, I think about it ... and you ... all the time. The solution may be to do a vlog or an audio blog, because by god, I could talk your ears off about all things FFG. (The only danger: that you would get sick of me. I am a firm believer in the "absence makes the heart grow fonder" aka law of supply and demand thing.)

I have a million things on my mind, but I have to make a choice. So here it is.

I have to say I am sucked in to "Dancing With the Stars." (Please, please don't click that little red box with the X in it ... yet, anyway!) I do think of myself as somewhat hip and cool for my age, but I know this puts that illusion in major jeopardy. But who can resist watching such an odd, disparate group of people do ANYTHING, let alone cha cha, rhumba, crunk (the hip-hop version of the Viennese Walz), and tango. This season is an embarrassment of riches in that respect. I mean, Priscilla Presley and the guy from Police Academy? How strange can you get?

Part of the attraction could be that I, in fact, love dancing. I actually took ballroom dance classes in the early 90s (I was firmly rooted in the un-comfort zone!). My partner was a guy who now has a talk show on Fox News ... I won't tell who because he may skewer me on air! We were co-workers, and I had a little crush on him. NOT because he was any good at dancing, mind you. He had completely no rhythm whatsoever.

I also dabbled in something called contra dance, and used to go to swing dances in Philly with a girlfriend of mine. That was totally fun. Then, soon after I moved to Birmingham, I was at a festival hosted by the magazine I was working for at the time. We had hired a Cajun band for entertainment, and a cute guy asked me to dance. That cute guy is now Mr. FFG. And no, we don't dance much any more but I am lobbying for it!

Anyway ... back to Dancing With the Stars. So the other night, the audience voted out Adam Carolla, a comedian who I have to say I don't really find all that funny. He didn't do much to endear himself to the audience, either, especially when he called the female judge the "b" word on live tv (hey, hey--this is a family show!).

And, he was about as graceful as Herman Munster on the dance floor. I don't deny anyone the right to get out and dance, even if they stink at it. I, as you know, am ALL ABOUT trying ... and fight a daily battle against the perfectionism that threatens to keep me, and all FFGs and Future FFGs, frozen in fear. But the rules of the game say somebody has to go, and last night, that was Adam.

Why am I blathering on about this? Here's the point. This guy said something at the end of the show, his final words before he left the ballroom forever, that really stuck with me. It was pure FFG. He looked at the camera and said (paraphrasing): "Hey, America. I know everyone can't be on Dancing With the Stars. But if there's something out there that scares you, go for it. Do the scary thing."

Wow.

I wrote about that in my book. How the things that most scare me are the ones that, in the end, have the most potential for making me happy (ok, except maybe pit vipers). It has been true, time and time again. And I needed to hear that (from Adam Carolla, no less) yesterday, because I'm kind of in a scary transitional place again in my life. (What, you are saying? AGAIN?)

I won't go into details now. But I have committed to a new venture and am doing my usual thing ... having that morning-after OH SH**! reaction. The what-have-I-done-I-can't-do-this-i'm-not-as-good-at-[fill in the blank]-as-they-think-and-what-if-they-find-out? thing.

I am flat-out scared.

This has happened before. Indeed, it happens every time I take a leap. I should be prepared for it, but no. I need ADAM CAROLLA to remind me that the scary path is the right path. But hey, I'll take it--it just tells me that the right messages can come from anywhere ... billboards, fortune cookies, Dancing With the Stars, even blogs.

I tried to find the clip from Adam on You Tube to post here. If anyone does a better job of searching than me, please post! And ... tell me all about your scary things. I want to hear!

Lisa D

I Give UP!

I know lots of you have come to expect messages of hope, inspiration, motivation from this FFG. But today, I may not deliver. See ... I've got a confession to make (tis the season for fessing up for Catholic girls like me).

I quit.

The other day, I went to a Pilates class. Now, I have done Pilates before, and, while I don't buy the idea that there is one perfect workout out there that will transform our bodies ... Pilates comes pretty close. The couple of times that I have done it with any consistency, I can see and feel the changes in my body so fast ... it's amazing. Talk about your total-body toning. And those of you who have back problems should check it out (after talking to your doc).

I'm not saying Pilates is easy. Just the opposite. (In fact, what makes it less than perfect is that it's so damn hard!) I have seen it bring big, strapping football player-types to tears (on second thought, maybe that was sweat).

So, I go to this class, despite the fact that I was EXHAUSTED. Not merely tired, which is my usual state, but an empty shell. A deflated balloon. As listless as the most overcooked strand of spaghetti you have ever stomached. (I think you get the picture.) So what do I do? I go anyway. It's rare that I have the TIME to go, but I was off that day, so I thought, to h*** with what my body's saying ... I'm going anyway.

And it was a disaster.

I felt like crap the whole time. I struggled to do even the most simple pose. I could feel my back cramping, my neck aching, and finally, I just quit. I walked out.
But I didn't WIMP out. I did what my body was screaming for me to do ... give it a rest.

One of my issues as a Former Fat Girl is knowing what I NEED at any given time. It was a problem back when I was heavy, when it was more important to take care of everyone else's needs before my own, and it is a problem now. The challenge now is that it takes different forms. Back then, I NEEDED to get off my butt and get to Pilates, to drown out that whiner in my head who wanted me to quit, to use INO (It's Not an Option) to keep me true to my workouts, true to myself. But it is a BALANCE. Sometimes that little voice inside your head isn't the whiner, it's the voice of reason. It's the voice telling you that the healthiest thing to do for yourself is to take a freakin' nap.

How do you know what path to follow? How do you know when you need to push yourself, or ease off?

I have no easy answer. All I can say is that I KNOW. I know what I need, deep inside, even though sometimes I have to dig for it. Even though sometimes I mistake the whiner for the voice of reason ... and vice versa. Part of the trick is to find that quiet place in your head, away from the "noise" of life and all its demands and preconceptions of who you are, where you are comfortable with your most secret thoughts and desires. And then to use that place as your base of operations, the place where you make all your decisions, big and small. I try to get to that place as much as possible ... even envision what it would look like, and see myself sitting there. (Mine looks a little like a room I was lucky enough to stay in at the Mandarin Oriental in New York ...!)

And the other thing is, when you get it wrong, to forgive yourself and move on. I have gotten much better at this over the years (it must be all the practice I've had!), but still, it is work for this recovering perfectionist.

Like I said at the beginning--maybe this isn't the most inspirational message this FFG has to pass on. But it is honest. And I think it's important for you all to know that there isn't some switch I have flipped in my head that makes balance a no-brainer. It is an ongoing conversation, a daily, hourly, minute-by-minute process. Part of getting to that FFG place is recognizing this, accepting it, and embracing it.

Stay strong in your journey!

Lisa D

Former Fat Celebrities

Dear FFGs and Future FFGs--

So maybe you have been reading the news about Kirstie Alley quitting (or getting fired from?) Jenny Craig. You know the backstory: Kirstie, who had a show called Fat Actress (never saw it), signed on as the JC spokesmodel in an effort to lose weight. I think she lost something like 70 pounds (same as me), and flaunted it on Oprah in a bikini.

Now there are reports that she's quitting Jenny to start her own weight loss thing. Or if you believe the National Enquirer, which I noticed (how can you not?) at the checkout lane in the grocery store Sunday, she was fired for gaining the weight back. In true NE style, they had a horribly unflattering photo of her on the cover of their "expose" story.

Who knows if it's an old photo, a new photo, whatever? And who, in fact, really CARES?

Sure, Kirstie put herself out there, and it was a great professional move for her. It kept people talking about her for a good long while (3 years?). It also really did get her to lose the weight she wanted to lose, and hopefully come away with some sense of what works for her and what doesn't weight loss-wise. Maybe she did/will gain the weight back, or at least some of it. Jenny is, after all, one of those plans that has you eating "unreal" food in an "unreal" world. So when you stop ... when you start going to parties, or eating out, or traveling, or just trying to live like the rest of us do surrounded by all kinds of temptation, how do you cope?

I have no idea if Kirstie exercises, if she has mantras, if she has any ways of mentally coping beyond the sort of forced portion control that is at the heart of the Jenny plan. I hope she does. One powerful stimulus is the fact that she so very publicly lost the weight--so hopefully, that will help her keep it off too. I have to say that I have joked to people that there's nothing like the pressure of "coming out" as a Former Fat Girl to keep you on a weight loss plan.

But even if she does gain it all back, as I did so many times along my journey, it's not wasted effort. I know it is hard to believe when you're in it, but I know that with every attempt to lose the weight, get healthy, start exercising--success or non-success (i will not use the f-word!)--I learned something about myself. What made it harder, what made it easier, which foods I could live without, which fitness routines I absolutely couldn't stand. And all of that knowledge helped me, in the end, become an FFG.

I have blogged a bit before about forgiveness, about our need to give ourselves a break when we don't meet our goals. If we truly believe this is a journey, a process, that should make it easier to look at our stumbles as lessons that will make us stronger and smarter when we wake up tomorrow. Know that I still struggle with this, too, in all aspects of my life. I struggle to get past every less-than-perfect moment in my life ... every lapse of memory (yesterday, I forgot to fill Johnny's water bottle to take to school), every slip of the tongue (so, I called a new colleague Darrel instead of Darin on the phone ... so what?), every inadequacy (too many examples to mention here). Every extra slice of pizza ... sneaky bite of chocolate ... fingerful of icing. It's almost a physical process to shut out the urge to dwell, overanalyze, relive these little moments. Sometimes, I visualize myself pushing closed the door to a huge vault, shutting myself off from those super-self-critical thoughts. It's another INO moment: It's Not an Option to obsess.

Anyway, that's what I'm thinking about today.

Lisa D

The Year of I Don't Know

OK, so it's a month into 2008 and I'm just now writing about my New Year's resolutions. (Guess it's good that I didn't vow to tackle my propensity for procrastination or tendency to take liberties with the concept of time.)

Actually, I don't really make resolutions any more. Oh, I did vow to drink more water: I force myself to stand in the kitchen and down two 16 oz glasses at the start of every day. I think I'm in a perpetual state of dehydration, and front-loading helps me make a dent in it. (It's not exactly pleasant, though.)

Anyway, beyond those small-time vows, I have stopped doing resolutions. Instead, I do "theme years." The year I wrote my book, the theme was "All About Me." I chose that theme because I was determined to stop dreaming about writing a book, wishing wistfully for a little baby hardback to call my own. It was time to actually make it happen. I'd been thinking about writing Former Fat Girl for years--eight of them, actually. But other things, other obligations, usually obligations to other people, always got in the way. "All About Me" kind of kept me on task, gave me permission to take the time I needed to pursue that dream. And hey, it turned out pretty well, didn't it?

[Detour: Any of you FFGs out there who loved ... or even sort of liked ... the book, please go to Amazon.com and write a quick review. I have 18 reviews so far, and most are really good, but the last woman who wrote really zinged me. Said that all the positive reviews must have been written by my friends! And we know that's true, because I don't HAVE that many friends!]

So I do theme years. This year is The Year of I Don't Know. Allow me to explain: You know about the Un-Comfort Zone? That place where you are pushing yourself beyond your limits, your safe, secure, deadly boring limits? The limits that keep us from having the life we want to have, from losing the weight, from getting the job, from dating the man ... you know what I mean. Well, it's SO easy to slip back into that comfortable place without even knowing it. And it makes sense. The fact is that yesterday's challenge is today's rut. Unless we keep consciously and constantly pushing ourselves to seek out the new, we find ourselves back in that comfortable place.

I know me: I have this need to have all the answers. To be on top of it all. And while I have experienced the value of approaching this life as an adventure, I haven't been exactly living that way. Many of you know that I did make a career change last fall, and that was a big step. But part of the reason for adopting the I Don't Know theme is that I have this way of getting too committed to things way too fast, to shutting off my brain to other choices, other opportunities. (Maybe this is the dark side of INO.) Anyway, I am trying, this year, to suspend myself in this state of I Don't Know. To try to get back to where I am following my gut, listening to my instincts, trusting that the answers will come, instead of forcing them. Branding this The Year of I Don't Know reminds me that it's ok not to be so damn certain about everything.

Now ... I would love to know if any of you have themes for this year. Maybe this is The Year of I CAN! or The Year of YES! or (maybe even better) The Year of NO! Or it could be The Year I Travel to Italy and Decide Never to Return! The possibilities are endless.

What's your theme? Share it here.

Until next time ...

Lisa D
FFG, FKIA (Former Know-It-All)

In Coach, Going Nowhere

The other day, I almost staged an intervention.

I was at the Y, talking myself into doing a treadmill workout. I have what I call a 3-to-1 relationship with the treadmill: I hate it three times more than I love it. I hate it for obvious reasons ... boredom, with a double side of monotony. But I love it because it allows me to squeeze in a quick run or walk when it's too cold or rainy or whatever outside. I love that it's there for me. It's like that shot in the butt you beg for when you have a sinus infection: You know you need it, you know it will do the job, but the fact of the thing is pretty god-awful.

I have learned, though, how to outsmart the treadmill. How to play games with the speed and incline buttons to distract that whiner inside (who whinges incessantly during my 20 minute or so ordeal). How to cover up the timer so I'm not aware of how achingly slow the minutes go by. How to only allow myself to peek during commercials on the TV monitor, where I may be treated to an I Love Lucy episode on a good day, or subjected to the yammering about the elections or the latest Britney episode on one of the 24-hour news channels.

Anyway, on this particular day, as I was on the treadmill, I noticed the woman on the machine beside me. I had actually seen her when I checked in at the front desk. She was one of those women who look completely put together, even on her way to a workout. Nice hair, nice makeup, what looked to be a new outfit straight from the pages of Athleta.

I think she was new at the Y, from the way she fumbled a bit with the treadmill buttons and neglected to use the sign-up sheet. (I'm no gym monitor--I only noticed because I was in the process of signing up for that very treadmill when she jumped on it.)

"Good for you," I thought (despite the fact that she stole my favorite 'mill). "You Go, Girl!"

She began walking at a decent pace, then picked it up to a light jog.

"Yeah! You're moving now!"

(Can't keep my inner cheerleader down.)

And then I glanced down at her feet and saw what could be her undoing.

Her shoes.

They were beautiful, brand new (apparently) Coach "fitness" shoes. You know, the ones with the little "Cs" on them.

I almost reached over and pushed the emergency STOP button right there.

Not that I have anything against Coach shoes. Or bags. I have spent my share of $$s in that store, believe me.

But trying to actually work out in Coach sneakers is a recipe for disaster. Those shoes ARE NOT fitness shoes, ladies. We all need more support than those sleek, chic sneaks have to offer.

Maybe I've drunk the sugar-free KoolAid, but I am a big believer in true fitness shoes and fitness shoe technology. I've been running for a long time (and hope to have many good miles in me yet), and the only time my knees start aching is when my shoes are worn down. It's very important to get the right shoe for your primary activity (ie, if you usually walk, get a walking shoe, if you usually run, get a running shoe). It's equally as important to get a shoe that works with the way you move. Does your foot roll in, roll out, or neither? Do you first land on your heel or your toes (more applicable to runners)? You can figure these things out by looking at the bottoms of your shoes to see which places wear down fastest. Or, you can just find a good fitness shoe retailer, take in some old shoes, and have them fit you.

And those stores aren't that hard to find. I used to tell people to go to a running specialty store (even if they were walkers), because the people who work there seemed to be more knowledgeable than the clerks in general sporting goods stores. But I did some events with Lady Foot Locker when I was an editor at Health magazine, and found out that the staff there really knows their stuff.

It helps, though, for you to take a few minutes to read up a bit on the subject. Here's a good article (I know because I edited it myself!).

Why invest in good shoes? Here's a cautionary tale. Once upon a time, I got a free pair of shoes from a company that was trying to woo me to write nice things about them (editors get stuff all the time, by the way--this particular incident really turned me off to the practice!). So I ran in them. After about the third time--no kidding--I started feeling this awful pain in my heel. It hurt so bad when I got out of bed in the morning that I could barely walk. Soon, I found out that I had what's called plantar faciitis, an inflammation of the band of tissue that runs along the bottom of my foot. Now, it could have been coincidence, but ... I think not. I have always blamed those shoes for the 6 months I lost to that horrible problem. That's right--six months of pain, six months of not running, six months of anxiety that all the hard work I'd done to lose my 70 pounds and change my life would all go to you-know-what.

All from a little pair of shoes.

I know, believe me, how much inner strength it takes to get yourself to a gym or get yourself up in the morning for a walk, or whatever your fitness resolution is. The mental thing is so, so hard--the last thing you want to do is have a PHYSICAL setback.

I didn't say anything to my treadmill companion in Coach. Should I have? I think not. I don't think she would have listened. And who the hell am I to give her advice? All I can do is make sure YOU girls know the score. Save the chic shoes for the post-workout Starbucks run (skinny latte no foam!).

Share your shoe stories--and ask questions, please!--here!

all my best--

Lisa D

ISO Fat-Free Fun

Hey, Girls--

I had a great time speaking to a group of women last night at the Hoover Public Library here. I love getting out and meeting you FFGs and Future FFGs--as I told the group last night, it probably helps me as much as it helps you guys. Just like you, I need inspiration every day, to Just Try.

Anyway ... one of the wonderful women in the audience asked me for ideas for things to do with girlfriends (and I guess boyfriends too) that DON'T involve food. I had a couple of ideas, but I know you guys probably have better ones! Here are a couple of ideas I had (they were fresh on my mind since my running friends and I were trying to think of something to do together to celebrate the holidays). Please post your own!

1. Mani or Pedi or Mani/Pedi night: Set up a time for everyone to get their nails done together. Each of you pays for your own service; the point is to just meet together, relax, and chat. You could even make this a standing appointment (monthly!)--the best would be to find a salon that had a small area with enough chairs for you and your friends. Lots of women do this before their weddings with their bridesmaids, but why wait for the ring and the white dress? If you get your nails done anyway, turn it into a social occasion.
2. Art night: A very cool idea here in Birmingham: Some art galleries have started having something called Sip 'n Stroke (sort of an unfortunate name). You bring a bottle of wine (not required; but if you do want to drink, go for champagne--the bubbles make you sip slower so you don't drink as much!), and create a painting with expert instruction. Here's info on one called Art Buzz; maybe galleries in other cities are doing the same thing?
3. Free night: There always seem to be cool free things--lectures, art openings, even films--going on around here. On your girls night out, why not make it your goal to choose only from the list of free stuff (INO paying for anything!)? I know--it's kind of random, but it's good for us girls to get out of our comfort zones.
4. Comedy clubs, concerts, local theatre: Non-free stuff that might involve drinking, but at least it's not all about consuming calories. And 10 to 15 minutes of laughing, according to experts, can burn as many as 50 calories. Don't (er, do?) laugh--every little bit counts!

OK--now I want to hear from you. Do you have any fat-free fun ideas to share?

Thanks!

Lisa D